A Hundred Reasons to Trade Your Plumber for a King
by superblooper
Summary: A collection of one hundred little oneshots featuring Bowser and Peach. Part of the Fanfic100 Challenge.
1. Beginnings

**A/N: To celebrate the completion (yeah, I said it) of my first fic, Year of the Wiggler, I am taking up the fanfic 100 challenge with Bowser and Peach. I'm still going to start on a full length Bowser and Peach adventure story, but oneshots are a lot easier to write than larger chapters. This way, I can still write even if I don't have a lot of time or motivation to get down to anything "serious". I hope you'll enjoy these little fluffy things and, as always, I love reviews and absolutely do take requests, especially for these. **

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"Good morning, Peach," Bowser's voice echoed across the room as Peach entered the large, mostly empty dining hall.

"It would be a good morning if you told me that you had come to your senses and decided to take me home before Mario has to come rescue me," she replied curtly.

Bowser merely laughed in return.

Annoyed, Peach took a seat at the large table. She had taken her time getting ready this morning, feeling that she would much rather spend time on her hair and makeup than hang around Bowser all day. In truth, the only reason she had come out of her room was because her stomach refused to stop growling.

"You look nice today," Bowser remarked. "Of course, you always look nice but…my comment stands."

Ignoring the compliment, Peach asked, "Have you eaten yet?"

Bowser growled, "No, because some _idiot _screwed up the food ordering and the only thing we have in the entire castle is cereal. I mean what kind of moron would think it's a good idea to order three hundred and fifty pounds of Admiral Bobbery's Alphabet Crunch?"

Peach's stomach growled in complaint. "It's edible, isn't it?"

"Eh, the little marshmallow bits aren't bad, but the rest of it is pretty much sawdust and gerbil food."

"I don't mean to be rude but, I'm so hungry, I could eat almost anything. Do you have milk?"

"Uh, I think so. We can check."

"Let's do that then."

The royal duo marched into the kitchen, demanding their cereal needs be met instantly. Soon after, they were sitting side-by-side trying to spell words in their bowls of cereal.

"Ha, mine's better. Look, if I move this here, I can make 'apple'," boasted the Koopa King.

"That's not a P, you just bit the tails off of the R so it doesn't count!" Peach replied.

"It counts! Who said you get to make the rules? You're just mad because I thought of it and you didn't!"

"Well mine spells 'onamonapia', so I think I win," she countered.

"No you don't; that's not even a real word!"

"Yes it is; look it up! Go on; I'll wait."

Bowser grumbled; he was more likely to believe in her vocabulary than his own. If he looked it up and it was the dictionary, she'd get the chance to prove him wrong and, in his mind, kings were never wrong.

"What I meant was that it's a stupid word, so it doesn't count. I've never used…that word you just said…once in my entire life, so it must be useless."

Peach rolled her eyes. _He's such a brat. _"Fine, I'll change it." She moved a few letters around in their milk until the message read "take me home".

Bowser responded by dumping dry cereal on top of her message until her bowl was full. "I'll tell you what; if you finish all three hundred and fifty pounds of Admiral Bobbery's Alphabet Crunch, I'll take you home, provided you're not too fat to stuff into the Clown Car."

Peach glared at him. "Then I'll just wait until Mario rescues me and stomps you as usual."

Bowser sighed, it hurt when she said things like that, but he did his best not to let it bother him. "But then who's gonna help me eat all this cereal? There are starving children in Rougeport!"

Peach shook her head, turned her back on the Koopa King, and slowly walked back to her room, exiting without another word.

Bowser folded his arms and found a servant. "Hey Shorty, I need a big box. I mean a really, really big box, pronto."

When the servant returned with the box, the Koopa King stuffed it full of Admiral Bobbery's Alphabet Crunch. In the middle of all the cereal, he buried a little note that read: _In case you were wondering, mine spells "I love you" and it's the only thing that counts. _

He taped up the box and scribbled the address of the Mushroom Castle on the face, fully knowing that amidst the heaping piles of Admiral Bobbery's Alphabet Crunch that would flood Peach's floor when she opened the box in her home castle, she would never find his secret love note.


	2. Middles

**A/N: Oh my, this particular instance may not be a reason to leave your plumber for a king but I think we can all agree that the Koopalings are adorable, even when being naughty. They're also mean kids who use bad language; if that offends you, you don't read this one. Everyone else, enjoy!

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Peach clasped her hands and listened to yet another argument brewing. During her stays, she had become all too accustomed to the various routines of Koopaling rivalry.

"Listen you big dumb jerk, it belongs to me, and I can't have you touching my things. Why don't you go screw with your own stuff?" Iggy cried, throwing a book at his brother, Roy.

"'Ey, you bettah watch whatcha throwin', nerd face; I'll pound ya into spaghetti sauce!"

In the instance of physical property rights, it was almost always a case of Roy somehow abusing Iggy's delicate scientific equipment. From the initial argument, it was usually only a short time before other Koopalings began to get involved.

"Put it down, Roy," said Lemmy quietly.

Provided his twin brother had not irked him in some way, Lemmy was always the first Koopaling to jump to Iggy's side.

"Tsk, like, not again. Ig, if you, like, don't want Roy to touch your nerdy science gear, why don't you, like, put it in your closet with all your little anime dolls?"

Not wanting to be associated with anyone half as nerdy as her older brother Iggy, Wendy would almost always side with Roy in any dispute.

"They're not dolls!" Iggy growled though gritted teeth. "And if you jerks would stay out of my things, you would have no way knowing those were in there!"

Wendy rolled her eyes and smirked, "Oh, is this a bad time to bring up that weird thing I found under your bed?"

"That's it!" screamed Iggy, turning red from embarrassment. "You are all perma-banned from my room! Stay out! Stay out! Stay out!"

"You really think that's going to keep them out of your room?" Larry replied coolly.

Larry attempted to stay "neutral", but he could not help but feel resentful toward Iggy, who never helped him with any of his history homework, even though he knew how much Larry hated it.

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"There ain't nothin' ya gonna do about it; Ya can't touch this!" sneered Roy, planting a firm kiss on his right bicep.

It was usually right around this time that Morton waddled over, interested at the prospect of seeing a fight. As usual, when Morton entered the room, things began to get very noisy.

"Smash his face in with a super awesome roundhouse kick to the--"

"Oh my Stars, like, Morton, shut up!"

"Don't tell me to shut up, you big lips, no hair…"

Alerted by the noise, Junior looked up from his coloring and came by to watch the excitement and whine to the participants about how he was going to tell on them.

Also, around this time, Ludwig would casually stroll over and assuming a superior air, as if he were above these petty fights.

"Would someone care to enlighten me on the particulars of these circumstances?"

"No; get the hell outta here Ludo, it's nonya business."

Ludwig gracefully stepped to the side of his younger brother Iggy, staying true to his tactic of joining whatever side was most sycophantic toward him. At this point, every Koopaling was in position and the brawl was about to begin.

Peach closed her eyes; she really did not want to get in the middle of this one. Of course, she thought it was wrong for Roy to borrow things without permission, but she also thought Iggy should be more open to sharing and perhaps explaining how some of his items worked, so they'd be less likely to get broken. However, she did not feel it was her place to intervene.

Screams and shouts came from down the hallway; the Koopalings had begun battle. Claws flew through the air as the Koopalings punched, kicked, scratched and bit their way to moral victory. Peach waited for the usual sounds of footsteps that heralded the last arrival to the war party; the ninth and largest member of the Koopa Royal Family, who would bellow, threaten, and yell until he put an end to the argument.

However, she heard no such footsteps. The smell of burning fabric and singed hair followed another scream and some loud crashes. _He sure is taking his time; I'll bet those Koopalings are just destroying that room._

"You son of a bitch!" yelled the voice of one of the older Koopalings. "That was an invaluable lute of antiquity! I am going to transport you to the highest point of this edifice and promptly defenestrate you!"

"If it's invaluable, why do you care what happened to it?"

Another loud crash told Peach that the Koopaling had just received his answer. _What's taking so long? Someone is going to get really hurt!_

Suddenly, a loud wail rung though the hallways; Bowser Junior had begun to cry. Peach's maternal instinct drew her out of her chair and into chaotic room. Amidst the flurry of eight children entrenched in battle, she could not find the youngest. As she searched the floor, a flying candelabrum struck her on the back of the head.

Raging with pain and fury, Peach stood upright and screamed to the top of her lungs, "Enough!"

Instantly, all commotion stopped as each Koopaling turned his or her eyes on Peach. She quickly gathered Junior into her arms and glared at the rest of the disorderly kids.

"You…look at what a mess you've all made!"

The Koopalings looked around guiltily at the utterly trashed room in which they were standing.

"You are all going to work together to clean this mess up, and there will be no talking from any of you! When you are done, I want all of you to go straight to your rooms, and if you're lucky, I won't tell your dad about what happened here."

The Koopalings eyes got wide; she had threatened the "D" word. They would be in an extra lot of trouble if he knew she had gotten hit with any of their makeshift artillery. As the eight Koopalings hopped to work, Peach exited the room and she found herself standing toe-to-toe with Bowser, who was eating a popsicle with a big grin on his face. It was clear he had heard everything. He was glad Peach finally felt comfortable enough to speak to his kids like a mother instead of like a guest.

He threw her a playful smirk. "Not bad," he remarked casually. "For an amateur."


	3. Ends

**A/N: Well, it's been a little while, hasn't it? I'm still working on my new story, but I want to get a few chapters in the works before I start publishing and have to change stuff. I know YotW took a completely different tone than what I had originally planned, so I assume the next one could go the same way.**

**Again, this may not be a reason to leave your plumber for a king, but it's a little homage to Mario Kart Wii, one of the few games in which I am an undisputed champion in my circle of friends; which is nice, since I don't have a Wii or anything with which to practice. (I play Rosalina, how about you?)**

**This fic is inspired by Deviantart, by the way, which regularly lives up to its name...DEVIANT! Some of those pictures of the Nintendo girls in biker outfits O_o

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**Bowser stormed about mightily as he waited for his Toadies and Magikoopas to finish tests and tweaks on the Flame Runner, the only motorcycle burly enough to carry his masculine visage.

While waiting, he decided to take a walk around the track and size up his competition. HE grunted in dismay as he turned a corner and found Birdo tuning up her kart. Or was it "his" kart? In truth, Bowser had never been one to worry about respecting others. He did not believe in defying biology in order to accommodate another's notion of "preferred gender". However, more than that, he just didn't care. Birdo was Birdo, even if it preferred to be called "Birdie"; it was a weird little animal. The only truth that mattered to Bowser was that in Subcon, Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad all treated Birdo as an enemy. Bowser thought it was enormously pathetic that Birdo believed those people were her friends when they all subconsciously felt she was their enemy.

Of course, next to Birdo was Yoshi, another strange little animal. Bowser sometimes wondered if the familiar green Yoshi had a given name outside his species name. He wondered if Yoshi was forbidden to use his tribal name, as he was a pariah to his original tribe of religiously extreme Yoshies. Yoshies, in general, were well known for living as hermits on secluded islands, worshipping the eight spirits of the island, and following a fruit-filled consumption based path to a state of nirvana that roughly translated to "super happy". They, in general, did not trust humans, did not leave their island, and certainly did not seek love outside the species, especially since Yoshies were free to reproduce asexually. Bowser shook his head and moved on; thinking about those two creatures was depressing.

Next, he found the second stupidest pair of brothers in the world: Wario and Waluigi. Bowser shuddered; could there be any pair of human beings more ugly? Bowser had never forgiven Wario for attempting to steal his treasure as a child, and felt sure he would never forgive Waluigi for daring to be an evil counterpart to somebody that nobody cared about anyways. He watchedas the brothers loaded their karts up with bombs and other nasty items, and he felt an inexplicable urge to send a blast of fire their way, just to watch the karts fly sky high. He restrained himself, and continued walking. There would be a time and a place to wreck them.

Bowser watched in disgust as Donkey Kong chattered his monkey babble to Diddy, Dixie, Candy and Funky, who were all present to help Donkey Kong win the big race. He pondered how exactly DK got his drivers license; he did not realize they gave driver's licenses away to apes. He would have hated to be the driving instructor for that test. Furthermore, what was wrong with DK's girlfriend, Candy? At least DK looked like a real ape, but Candy looked like she had been raised on the wrong side of the trailer park! Bowser made a note to begin a campaign for more ecologically friendly practices in his kingdom; clearly, some kind of toxic goo was getting into the jungle and causing apes to develop anthropomorphic postures and large breasts.

Nearby, Toad worked with Toadette to fix a scratch in the blue paint of his kart. _Hah, little runt is gonna have more than just a few scratches to worry about by the time I'm done winning this race. _Upon seeing Toad, Bowser began to wonder where was Princess Peach. He hoped that stupid Toadsworth had not prevented her from racing. One day, as a gift to Peach, he was going to lock up that old, obnoxious Mushroom. Then, she would be free to do whatever she wanted.

Unfortunately, the next face he saw was not the face of his beautiful princess. Instead, he saw the faces of his two most hated enemies: Mario and Luigi. All the adventures together in the world would just not change the fact that he hated them. They were always in his way. They were the reason he was here today; he was finally going to beat Mario in some way, even if it was only on the racetrack. After winning, his next objective was to kick as much plumber's crack as possible. Red shells, green shells, blue shells, power stars, whatever it took to make those two plumbers as miserable as possible. He was going to win today's race by a margin wide enough to absolutely humiliate those two, and maybe it would even impress Peach.

Bowser stomped back to his bike, his adrenaline and competitive spirit in full drive. "Haggy! Are the repairs on the Flame Runner complete? We haven't got all day you know."

"Almost, My Lord."

Bowser drummed his claw on his thigh as he sat, mind brimming with fiery ambition. Suddenly, he felt his heart leap into his throat and made a small coughing noise. All thoughts of defeating and harassing the Mario Brothers left his mind instantly. Peach, Daisy, and the newcomer, Rosalina, all walked past chatting happily while returning from a delicious pre-race lunch. Bowser looked right past the princesses in yellow and teal to witness the shining glory of Peach. He had never seen her this way before. She laughed casually as she stepped over to her bike, sashaying casually. Bowser could notice the biker's suit was incredibly flattering, fitting Peach's every curve and contour.

A cold sweat beaded on Bowser's forehead as he realized he had a new, if somewhat perverse, goal in this race: stay behind Peach. Of course, he would do his best to smack a plumber or two, but he knew there would be no way to bring himself to pass such an enamoring sight.

Peach smiled as her friends left to go prepare for the race. She noticed she had a bit of dust on her suit. She smiled unknowingly as she carefully dusted off the end that would win the race.


	4. Insides

**A/N: Two in one day, because I wanted to try doing one of these at least once a week. This entire one-shot is in italics, more or less, because it only focuses on inner thoughts or "insides".  


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_Peach finally agreed to come out of her room for dinner. Took her long enough; I guess she must have gotten hungry. Ah, she looks nice, as always. My beautiful Peach, I wish she didn't look so sad. I wanna cheer her up; everything's gotta be perfect. Low lights? Check. Elbows off the table? Check. Now where the heck is our food? Those stupid cooks better not mess up my evening._

_I can't believe I'm out here. Oh, I just want to go home so badly, what if Mario or Luigi gets hurt because of me? No, I shouldn't think like that. It's Bowser's fault. It's his fault that he won't leave the Mushroom Kingdom in peace. Is his lust for power really so great that he will truly stop at nothing to rule the world? How sick and disgusting; what would he do with all that power once he had it? I should ask him, just demand an answer. Not that I want to talk to him, I'm sure any answer he'd give me would be something as deranged and awful as he is._

_Finally, some food, even if it's just salad, I'm starving. Hm, that's a weird dressing, but I guess it's pretty good. This silence is weird, all I can hear are the forks smacking on the plates. I guess I should probably say something. What should I say? 'Oh hey Peach, how's it going?' Yeah, I'm sure I'd get an earful. I don't know why we have to go through this every single time I bring her here. I've always told her that if she'd just come over willingly, I wouldn't have to do the whole kidnapping thing, but she always refuses. Maybe I should try talking about the salad. Hey, she isn't eating. Isn't she going to eat?_

_Ugh, this salad has meat in it. I was so hungry too. I might as well go back to my room; maybe he'll send in a guard to take a proper order. Well, I guess that's asking a lot of a captor, but somehow I know he'd do it. I guess I could just speak up and say I don't eat meat and I'm sure I'd get a salad I could eat right away but…I don't want to. It's like the power over my speech is the last bit of power I have left in this horrible place. No matter what Bowser says or does, I have the power to not speak to him or look directly at him. To do otherwise would be to indicate approval or at least acquiescence. How ironic, nonacquiescence though silence. Oh Stars, I need to eat; what should I do?_

_Why would she even bother coming out here if she's just going to look at her plate like it broke her heart. She's been in her room, refusing food for almost two days; she's got to be hungry. Wait a second, there's chicken on this salad; no wonder it was so tasty. I bet those stupid chefs didn't even think about poor Peach. Damn, why didn't she just say she couldn't eat it? I guess she's not talking to me. Typical. Well, I'm not going to talk either; I'm not going to make a fool out of myself and be the first one to open his mouth. I still want Peach to get some food though. Maybe if I think really hard… Hey, Haggy! Haggy! Can you hear me? Tell those moronic chefs to get Peach some food she can actually eat. Don't they know she's a vegetarian?_

_Yes My Lord, right away. I will assume you have your own reasons for not telling them yourself._

_Oh, what's this? Oh thank the Stars, a shroom steak! It smells delicious. Why is Bowser staring at me? Oh, he's waiting for me to eat. Just don't look at him. I'd love to deny him the satisfaction, but I'm way too hungry for that. Oh it's delicious. Try not to smile too much when you eat it; you have to show him how upset you are that he's kidnapped you. I hope he feels how awkward this silence is. So long as I have control, I will never utter a single word to him again. I wonder where are the Koopalings?_

_Good, now that that's taken care of, maybe she'll talk to me, or even smile. I want her to smile for me, just once. I want her to say something nice, I know she has lots of nice things to say. I want her…to look me in the eyes. Do it Peach, look me in the eyes, smile, and say something nice. Pretend that you think I'm someone worth talking to; you won't be disappointed. _

_Ugh, I can just feel his eyes boring into the top of my head. This is really stressful. Don't look up, don't look up, what are you doing? His eyes, so fierce and intense…but they look so complex and…confusing. Ugh, my stomach feels out of sorts; I wish he'd stop looking at me like that. What does he want from me? What am I supposed to do?_

_Smile at me. Tell me what I can do to make you love me, to make you smile. I love your eyes, they're blue and sparkly, but they're so sad. Be mine, Peach, and you'll have no reason to be sad ever again._

_I feel like I'm getting smaller and smaller by the minute. It's enough to make me want to just give up the Mushroom Kingdom, though I could never do that to my people. I doubt that would be the end of my troubles anyway. What does he want with my Kingdom, what would he do with all of that power? I know…why do I have to know that power isn't what this is all about? You…You've held me in prisons, dungeons, trapped me in my own castle. You've ruined my vacations, tormented my childhood, sealed me inside of walls, and even kidnapped my friends. You've never answered "Why?" I've never asked. I've never needed to ask. Please stop; please leave me alone._

_I could rule the world, but I can never rule you. You're the first and last thing on my mind every night when I go to bed. I will never give you up; I will make you my queen. But beyond that, I will make you happy, queen or not. I will make you live happily with me, or I will die trying. Now smile dammit, smile! It's the only thing I ask._

_Will my whole life be like this? Will Bowser still kidnap me when I am married? When I have children? When I am old and wrinkled? What kind of life can I expect to have? When Bowser's children grow up, will they also terrorize the Mushroom Kingdom? I can never see any of these things happening in my head. Grandma always said, "So long as we make the same mistakes as the past, history will always repeat itself. Only when we grow up and accept fate can we truly move forward." I wish I knew what that meant for me. I don't want to make the same mistakes over again; I want to move forward. Grandma, please help me see._

_Time for dessert already, I guess you'll be going back to your room soon. Before you go, I want to tell you that I love you; I want to hold you in my arms and feel your soft skin. Let's watch the stars tonight Peach; you'll be plenty warm. The glow from the cooling lava looks really cool on your face. I'll even let you make a constellation and I'll order my subjects to add it to all the books. Give me a chance and I promise you'll be so happy…you'll never even think about that plumb scum ever again._

Peach looked up at Bowser from her sundae and saw Bowser had a bit of chocolate fudge on his mouth. And she smiled.


	5. Outsides

**A/N: Oops, I wrote this and forgot to post it. Just a tiny little Ficlet between Junior and Peach about Super Mario Galaxy. I've never actually played the game, so don't blame me if the little details are totally wrong. Enjoy!**

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Peach twiddled her thumbs sadly, sitting in the little airship piloted by Junior. Bowser was about to destroy her galaxy, her home. Everyone she ever knew and loved would be destroyed to create some sick "galactic empire" filled only with Bowser and his minions. Never again would she see a smile on a Mushroom child's face, her guardian Toadsworth's worried gaze, or even the familiar mustaches of her friends Mario and Luigi.

_No. Mario will save the galaxy…he must. I mustn't lose faith in him._

Nevertheless, a tear rolled down Peach's cheek. Junior turned back to admire his Mama Peach; he had done such a good job helping his dad kidnap her. The explosions and fireworks had been so awesome! He was unnerved, however, to find her crying.

"Mama Peach, why are you crying?"

Peach looked up at the Koopaling sadly and did not answer, instead sniffling in response.

"Look at all the awesome stars! King Dad says I'm gonna get a planet all to myself that I get to make however I want. I'm gonna make a forest so we can all go camping, and right next to the forest, there's gonna be a water park with real dolphin shows, and after that…"

Peach's eyes began to water as she heard the cold-hearted Koopa's plans for his new planet. How could he be so selfish? Did he not know of all the people that would lose their lives and sovereignty in order to fulfill his dreams?

"Mama Peach, please don't cry. It's gonna be fun, I promise. King Dad says he's gonna make a special planet just for you too! It's gonna look just like the one we live on, only you'll get to rule the whole thing! Won't that be cool? You're so lucky!"

Peach shook her head in denial, "No, it won't be cool," she cried. "I don't want to rule the whole world, I just want to be with my friends, and my subjects, and the people who love me! What good is ruling if there are…" Peach began to tear up, "…if there are no people to rule?"

Junior stuck out his lower lip and nuzzled his Mama's chest, feeling the cool sapphire brooch against his cheek. "But Mama Peach…I love you…and so does King Dad. I'm sure he would put anything you want on your planet, you just gotta ask! C'mon, if you promise not to cry anymore, I'll take you to see King Dad right now."

Junior hopped up to the captain's wheel of the airship and gave a dramatic spin, steering the ship towards Bowser's reactor. Peach still looked at her hands; she knew she could never convince Bowser to give up his selfish pursuit of power in order to save the lives of those in her galaxy, but she had to try.

"Mama Peach?" asked Junior, once the ship was headed in the right direction. "I'm bored, can you show me the constellations?"

Peach looked out grimly; from their angle in the cosmos, the constellations would look nothing like they did in the Mushroom Kingdom. Improvising, she pointed out a cluster of stars.

"That one is Koopak, the Kind. He saved thousands of lives by standing up to his evil uncle, a cruel sheriff…"

Junior curled up on Peach's lap, gazing in wonder. Peach softly cuddled him and made up various heroes and morality stories to educate and entertain him as the smooth wooden airship silently sailed the starlit vastness of outer space toward the Koopa King's reactor.


	6. Hours

**A/N: Even tinier and fluffier than the last ficlet! For the purposes of this particular one-shot, Bowser and Peach are (finally) friends, and maybe a bit more. Enjoy!

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Bowser tried his best to keep his eyes forward, training them to cease their repetitive pilgrimage to Peach's shining face, which was only a relatively short distance from his own.

The royals sat in official negotiations, the first between the Mushroom Kingdom and the Darklands in years. As Toadsworth and the Mushrooms exchanged pleasantries with the Magikoopas of his Koopa Troop, Bowser drifted into daydreams. In particular, he thought about how he much preferred his after-hours negotiations with the Mushroom Princess.

As often as he could schedule his fair Peach, he would send for her, sometimes though official means, oftentimes not. She would often scold him for "kidnapping" her instead of using official diplomacy, stating that it was harmful to the relations between the two kingdoms; however, she was never unhappy to see him. During numerous adventures together, the two had developed a powerful friendship, and naturally, Peach found herself quite enamored of his children and faithful attendants; not to mention the Koopa King himself.

Bowser always brushed off her lighthearted complaints. So long as he could be with his beautiful princess, he could not care less about what the officials of the other kingdom had to say. He was very much in love with Peach, and he spared no expense, monetary or otherwise, to make her feel special. Lately, he had to force himself to work extra hard to gain the trust of her Mushroom advisers. He still did not care about what they thought, but he had eventual hopes of marriage to Princess Toadstool. Kamek, his most trusted Magikoopa adviser, had assured him such a proposal would be much easier facilitated if the kingdoms had good relations.

Thus, the Koopa King found himself in this boring meeting, itself a topic of intense media scrutiny and speculation, instead of engaging in his usual pastime of kidnapping Peach.

After this, he would, through the proper means, invite Peach to his palace. There, like always, they would spend the afternoon baking confections and playing with his eight children. He loved how gentle she was with each and every one of them. She never passed judgment on their odd qualities and always strove to see the best in them, even when they behaved poorly.

After dinner, they would retire to one of his many sitting parlors and he would personally build a fire, an easy task for a fire-breathing Koopa such as himself. Meanwhile, servants would bring out blankets and tea. The two royals would then sit beside the fire and discuss many things. Peach loved to talk about good people, philosophy, and (when the time was appropriate) politics. Bowser loved to listen to her sweet voice and watch her lips move as she carefully annunciated each word in her little way. He was careful to listen closely, especially if it sounded like he could help her in any way. What better way to surprise the love of his life than to alleviate her frustrations and make her life easier in any way he could? Of course, he loved to talk about himself, his children, and his kingdom. He was not above his own reputation as a self-centered tyrant; it was merely that his love for Peach superseded his selfishness and rendered such a quest for infinite power seemingly trivial.

He loved these after-hours negotiations best, when occasionally he would chance putting his arm around his beloved and she would smile up at him and lightly snuggle into him, gazing at the fire with a sense of wonder.

For now, however, the lovelorn Koopa King would have to sit patiently, listening to elders make arguments and counterpoints, endlessly debating for hours and hours about the simplest of things. The two royals smiled to themselves, each not daring to look at one another, lest they be tempted to just run outside. Bowser though it was just as Peach had said during one of their many fire-lit chats. Love and philosophy both have the power to make the most complicated things seem simple, and the simplest of things seem incomprehensible.


	7. Days

**A/N: When I thought of days, I thought about the _Three Days of Excess_ chapter from _Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door_. And then when I thought about trains... **

**Just a little fun, since it's been so long since I updated. Anyone up for a little puzzle? =P**

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**

Peach clutched onto Bowser's arm carefully as the two boarded the fabulously posh train from the western end of Rogueport. She had always wanted to ride the Excess Express, but never had the chance because Grodus had kidnapped her the last time she was in Rogueport.

When the Koopa King heard of this, he immediately procured tickets and whisked his lovely bride away on a vacation to Poshley Heights. It had been six months since the two royals were married (or rather, re-married as Bowser preferred to say). With the looming threat of the Darklands no longer so threatening, Mario had gone on an adventure in space to rediscover his home dimension in a distant galaxy, vowing to return one day.

His brother Luigi, joined Mario in his intergalactic quest, but ended up staying with Rosalina in her comet observatory, ostensibly taken with the gentle, motherly female.

Bowser playfully nudged his love and received a gentle nuzzle in return. Years of kidnappings had taught Peach to travel light; however, as she became more comfortable with the Koopa King, she began to revert to her old ways. Thus, Bowser was somewhat relieved to unload the four bags he was carrying, only one of which he could claim as his. Bowser would, in the coming years, need to make a conscious effort to stay in shape without Mario around with which to compete. Secretly, Bowser still hoped the plumber would get sucked into a black hole.

_Ah, room 001. _There would be no room but the finest for the royal couple, and there was no finer room than number one in the eyes of the Koopa King. Peach looked in wide-eyed wonderment at the stately brown and green décor. It wasn't long before the train began to shift and blow its whistle.

Peach stared happily out the window, watching the scenery fly past as Bowser rested on the bed. It hadn't been easy to get to the Rougeport station on time for departure. He had to yell at minions, yell at boat drivers, yell at taxis, and he even yelled at a few bystanders just to be safe. It was exhausting work to be king.

Peach flopped on the bed beside him and cuddled up happily. "Hello," she sang softly.

"Hello," he replied.

"This is nice."

"Yeah…"

The Excess Express passed between hills and over plains, next to rivers and through all sorts of terrain as the royals napped peacefully through the afternoon. Peach awoken first with a start. She was still unused to feeling another sleeping beside her; however, she loved the feeling of his arm around her waist and his soft breathing behind her. If she listened carefully, she could even hear his heart beat.

Soon, an uncomfortable grumble reminded her of why she was awake so early in the first place. She nudged Bowser, who opened his eyes halfway, still sleepy.

She whispered, "Are you hungry?"

The Koopa King willed himself to sit up. He couldn't tell if he was hungry or not yet, but something told him it was one of those questions that was not a question. "I could eat."

After a quick change of clothes, the royal couple took a stroll to the dining car. Once inside, a lavender-haired Mushroom girl promptly seated them. Peach and Bowser's eyes danced across the menu as she brought them complementary beverages.

Once they had placed their orders (a large steak for Bowser, a warm vegetarian dish for Peach), they quietly watched the sun setting behind the rolling scenery. The fading sunlight was swiftly replaced with the flickering light of glowing candles.

All was peaceful until the dining car door opened to reveal a tall man in a trench coat and a top hat, along with a young boy in a blue news cap.

"Professor," cried the boy, "I'm almost certain we're on the wrong train."

"That may be, my boy, but we can't do anything about it now. What do you say we have a bite to eat and see if we can find any connecting trains at our destination?"

The odd duo picked a table quite close to Bowser and Peach, causing the former to sniff in annoyance. Peach placed a gloved hand on Bowser's claw sympathetically. She knew how much he hated hearing other people's accents and the little boy was quite loud.

"Professor, look over there! That's the biggest turtle I've ever seen in my life! What do you suppose he ate?"

Bowser glared at the child, preparing to make a scene.

"Mind your manners, my boy. Besides, if you'd like to know what he ate, the answer is quite obvious, right in front of you really. Take a look and see if you can solve the puzzle."

Before anyone could object, the boy was staring intently at the Koopa King's plate and puzzling out loud. Peach bit her lip in anticipation.

"Well, it is quite obvious it was something with meat...but it could be the lamb, the venison, or the steak…."

"I had the steak, you stupid runt! The steak!" yelled Bowser.

"Oh, we seem to have upset our dining companion. Our apologies, sir. You see this boy is…"

"His apprentice!"

"Er, yes."

Sensing Bowser wasn't about to get any kinder in his reproach, Peach spoke, "It's quite alright. We know how inquisitive children can be, why, Bowser here has eight very curious children of his own."

"Eight children?" cried the boy, "Why, that reminds me of a puzzle! One mother turtle can start laying 100 eggs every thirty days when she's eighty days old. They have an equal chance of being either gender, but only half of the eggs will live to hatch and of those only 2/3 can find their way back to the sea. At the end of a year, how many turtles will be in that family tree?"

Peach looked bewildered at the little boy and Bowser furrowed his brow. "That's easy," he grumbled, "First you take the hundred and divide it by two, divide it again…carry the one…multiply by the root of the family tree…"

Five minutes later, Peach was rushing out the door of the dining car pushing a bellowing Koopa King out with her.

"What kind of a person makes up such a no-good, dumb puzzle anyhow? That doesn't even make any sense! You're twisting the words! My answer was perfect!"

As Peach pushed him out of the dining car, mentally preparing herself to rehash this puzzle with him for the rest of the evening, the tall man sipped his tea and shook his head.

"Hah, did you hear that? He said 10,364.5! How can you have .5 turtles? He wasn't even close Professor!"

The man reached into his trench pocket and pulled out a pad of paper and a pen. "Perhaps I shall take a crack at it. After all, a true gentleman never leaves a puzzle unsolved."


	8. Weeks

**A/N: I'm alive! Testing out the first person written diary style. Let me know what you think.  


* * *

**

_Day 3_

Five weeks. That's how long Bowser's vile advisers estimated it would take for Mario to breach the Darklandian citadel. Those are the terms of my imprisonment.

It's been 3 days so far, and I've managed to avoid Bowser to the best of my abilities.

The first day I spent crying on my bed, knowing every day that I am away from my kingdom is another day something horrible could happen to Mario and Luigi. It isn't fair.

I'm going to sneak out of my room tonight; I don't think anyone is guarding the door. I need to find some clues to help Mario defeat Bowser and restore peace to the Mushroom Kingdom.

…

_Day 6_

An ancient relic called the Mascarpone Jewel is hiding deep within Tiramisu Mountain. That awful Koopa is planning to trap Mario in his own desire for delicious foods. That's all I could find out before Bowser discovered me sneaking around in his castle.

I lied and said I was just hungry and looking for food; but he looked at me strangely. He ordered his Koopatrol to put me back in my room and I haven't heard anything since.

…

_Day 8_

I heard someone crying downstairs today, so I decided to leave my room and find out who it was. I hid behind a corner and heard Bowser's youngest, Junior, begging his father to let him come to my room.

It was hard to hear Bowser tell his son so coldly that I had no desire to have any member of the Koopa royal family in my presence.

He may have been right but…Junior looked so devastated. I guess I wouldn't mind if someone paid me a visit, it's a little lonely up here and cold at night.

…

_Day 10_

I can't stand it. I hate that miserable Koopa! What right does he have to keep me locked up like this?

I feel like I'm going crazy in this room. I have nothing to do. Mario, please save me soon.

…

_Day 11_

I snuck out again today and I ran into Junior playing in a study. I have a feeling he wasn't supposed to be in there, because he looked like the cat that ate the canary.

He asked if it was true that I never wanted to see the Koopas ever again. I didn't know what to say, so I told him that I'd like to go home. In exchange, Junior said that Mario had already been to the "Terramissoo" Mountain and gotten the "Mars Capone" Jewel and that Bowser was very angry about it.

I am glad to hear that Mario is once again triumphing over evil. I feel like Junior was about to tell me more news about Mario, but Kamek came in, understandably distressed about the state of his study and, naturally, ordered me back to my room.

Before I left, Junior gave me some artwork to take back to my room. It's a Buzzy Beetle, and it looks to be drawn on the back of a very important document. Oh well, I guess he just can't help but be naughty.

…

_Day 13_

I've been invited! Today, as I was brushing my hair for the fourth time today, a little yellow envelope pushed its way under my door. Curiously, I opened it up and discovered an invitation to afternoon tea with the little prince.

I hope with all my heart that such an adorable little boy will not be corrupted by the influence of that wicked tyrant father of his. I can only imagine the peace and prosperity to be experienced by the Darklands if such a pure heart were to take the throne.

I'm a little excited to have tea tomorrow.

…

_Day 14_

It's been two weeks and I just can't wait to leave this dreaded place.

Tea was amusing until it was interrupted. It looked like little Bowser Junior had ordered half the kitchen for our little soiree. He introduced me to his stuffed toys, referring to them as his "best friends". It made me feel so fortunate to have Daisy as my friend growing up; it's very difficult for royalty to have true friends that are not royalty as well. Unfortunately, I'm sure the Darklandian government is so dreadful to deal with that friends must be in short supply for Junior.

I've never seen a little boy with more atrocious manners! I'm sure my dress will have to be washed twice to get all of the preserves and tea stains off of it. With all Junior's ruckus, it wasn't long before Kammy Koopa, one of Bowser's cruel servants, came up to the room and discovered us. She turned beet red in anger and summoned guards to take me back to my room. I can only imagine what trouble Junior is in.

…

_Day 17_

I'm so sick of looking at these walls. It's been days and I haven't heard from anybody, just a servant three times a day to leave food and clean. She never says a word, even if I protest her cleaning.

This room was created for me. There are pink walls and pink linens. The bed is extra fluffy and the closet is full of charming dresses. The makeup in the drawers is always brand new, fresh, and pink. The bath soap changes daily with fresh fruit, floral, or spiced scents depending on the weather. Why is Bowser doing this? For what reason am I here?

…

_Day 20_

Bowser's guards are becoming lax again. I don't blame them; it must be difficult to guard something 24 hours a day for so many weeks.

…

_Day 21_

This morning, there was a great shattering noise coming from downstairs. I thought it might have been Mario, miraculously come early so I ran downstairs as quickly as I could. As expected, nobody was guarding the door so early in the morning.

Instead of finding my savior, I ran straight into Bowser. Literally. He was shaking with anger and grabbed me by my shoulders and stared into my eyes. It's the first time in a while I remember feeling so scared of Bowser.

He asked me if I had told Mario about the Marinara Scepter. I answered truthfully, "no". He then began bellowing, asking me why I hated his castle so much, then he glared at me and asked why I hated him so much.

I didn't know what to say, so I said I was sorry and ran back into my room, locked the door, and immediately drew a bath so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone the rest of the day.

The guards are back in front of my door. I want to go home.

…

_Day 25_

Bowser came in my room today. He seemed awkward. He sounded like he wanted to apologize, but his pride wouldn't let him.

He asked me to come on a tour of his "temporary palace", as he called it. I didn't know what to say, but I thought it might be better than looking at pink walls all day for another day.

Bowser said the Marinara Scepter was put inside the Lasagna Cave to produce rivers of molten hot marinara sauce to make passage difficult. He told me that the Pasta Pendant inside the Spaghetti Jungle would cause the monsters in the area to react and tear Mario limb from limb. He had an evil look on his face while he said it. While I of course fear for Mario's safety, I can't help but feel that Bowser's plan sounds a little odd and ridiculous, even for him.

…

_Day 28_

I've been here for nearly a month now, Mario must be getting very close.

Junior came to my room today and told me his father said it was okay for him to come visit. He brought a movie for us to watch: _Cheep Cheep Attack 2: Boss Bass Returns. _

Junior asked if I was going to come live with them. I told him I was going away very soon, that Mario would come and take me back home. He said he'd like to visit the Mushroom Kingdom. Maybe one day, when he is king.

…

_Day 30_

Junior rushed to my door today, nearly beating it down by pounding on it. He said that Mario had found the "Noodle Necklace" and only needed to get the Robe of Ravioli before he would come to the castle and take me back. Part of me wondered why Mario needed all these things to come to the castle and get me. If he really did need those things, why would Bowser hide them outside the castle? Some things I may never understand.

Junior said since I would be leaving soon, he wanted to take a walk around the castle gardens with me. I agreed before I knew who else would be coming along. The walk was tense as Junior excitedly jabbered about all the plants in his garden the he had picked out. He let me know that he had personally planted the tomato plant that made the biggest tomatoes.

Meanwhile, Bowser sat silent, lumbering along behind us. Before long, we stopped in the shade of a gazebo and bug catching distracted Junior, leaving me alone with the Koopa King.

"Bet you're excited to go home, huh?" he muttered.

I said I was.

He sighed and didn't say anymore. Bowser Junior returned with a blue butterfly as big as my hand in a jar. I asked him to free it; I said it wasn't very nice to keep things prisoner, causing Bowser to sit up with a huff and leave quickly.

Junior and I let the butterfly (Junior named her Wallace StairMaster) out of her enclosure and she stepped out with trepidation, and then spread her wings to fly directly on top of Junior's ponytail.

I was allowed to have dinner in the garden with Bowser Junior. He even picked his biggest tomato for our caprese salad. He really is a sweet boy.

…

_Day 32_

Mario came three days early. He must have found the Ravioli Cloak or whatever he needed quickly. He, as usual, made quick work of Bowser and whisked me away back home.

Now, I'm back at the castle waiting for the cake to cool so I can frost and decorate it. I can't explain it, but I have mixed feeling about being home again after so long. It almost feels foreign.

The cake is done…until next time.


	9. Months

**A/N: I have been reading Tony Morrison and decided to play around with that kind of style.**

* * *

It was a tranquil afternoon, modestly refusing to be too hot or too cold or to otherwise distinguish itself from the days preceding it or the days to come. The bright blue sky stretched endlessly without so much as the comfort of a fluffy cloud. The sun, in its unsympathetic glory, shined oppressively into the eyes of every citizen of the Mushroom Kingdom.

Their squinting princess sat tilting in a spindly chair. Though tall in stature, her feet could not reach the ground. She overlooked the flora and fauna of the palace gardens. Tall topiaries, meticulously groomed by men deemed "master" gardeners were surrounded by little wrought iron fences with brutal spiked tips. On top of these spikes sat the occasional little blue bird that, instead of using its winged freedom to travel, was content to shriek filthy curses at fellow birds, pettily capturing things and calling for mates until its throat grew raw and it could only glare at the world through its beady eyes.

The bushes were devoid of any of Mother Nature's imagination, instead hacked into long, thick walls; each terrified bush clung to the other for moral support. They twisted themselves into a man-made conundrum, a maze, and it was easy to lose oneself in the stark order of it all.

Peach lifted herself off the pedestal and landed on the brick with a click of the shoes she had long since become accustomed to wearing. Sweat ran down her back causing the dainty lace of her dress to itch. Ignoring the temptation to claw away the itch, she left her manicured hands inside her pristine white gloves and spread out on the grass, letting each blade slice and tickle her simultaneously.

The spice of the chili peppers in her lunch lingered at the back of her throat. She sighed heavily as she realized it was all going to be all right. All Right. Her tongue slid over the middle of her top lip as she slowly mouthed the words. She filled her lungs even though there was no air. She felt sick. It must have been heartburn. She wore her heart, a jeweled pendant, under her clothes and between her breasts where nobody would ever find it.

Had it been 18 months? Maybe more? Who knows? Peace treaties had been signed, sealed with handshakes and a look of pain. His hurt remained, gilded and chained to the bottom of her heart, pressing on her guilty stomach. Who would care about her now? Now that the plague of eternal peace had befallen her kingdom, every day melted into the next and she had no comfort of the routine chaos, of nature's cacophony.

Mario had moved on to a new kingdom with new adventures to be had. He promised to return if he were needed. She knew he would never return; he would never be needed again. He may have never been needed in the first place. Peach finally understood the jealousy of birds. What good was having this "freedom" when it, and nothing else, was truly yours? Maybe that's why Bowser spent so much time in capture and conquest.

Peach squinted at the sky to block to sun, half hoping to see a smiling face attached to a propeller. He was never coming back. She breathed in deep again, relishing the smell of the undetectable smoke that blocked out all the air from entering her caged lungs. She sat in the sun, slowly burning to death in her pure heart's quietly raging desire for the comfort of wickedness.


	10. Years

Peach used both hands to adjust her pink, ruffled bandeau top as warm, salty water washed over her feet. She watched the Koopalings splashing about in the ocean in the late afternoon light.

It had never occurred to Peach that, on the furthest southeast reaches of the Darklands, there would be an actual beach; it had always seemed to her that the land would just end, and there would be water. She learned about the beach when Bowser announced her birthday present, a small chateau on her own stretch of private beach. It was absolutely gorgeous from every angle. The exterior was white and surrounded by palm trees. It had a clay-tiled roof and dozens of windows from which to view the ocean.

Fine black sand powdered the beach, accompanied by small black pebbles that looked like shining obsidian. The Darklandian Coast was famous for its production of lustrous black pearls, spawned by the dark sands in conjunction with a rare variety of oyster that could only live in the high temperatures of the Darklandian Ocean. The high concentration of volcanic vents in the area made the Darklandian Coast waters some of the warmest in the world, and thousands of rare and protected species made their homes in the vast expanses of coral reefs.

Peach ran all the way out into the water, finding its warm embrace preferable to the gusty wind whipping up on the shore. She let her body free float in the water, bobbing up and down with the gentle waves. The water here seemed much saltier than the beaches elsewhere, probably due to the high concentration of minerals in the water. Peach stood up, her long, wet hair clinging to her face and body.

She walked toward the shore and stopped suddenly as her foot came down on something large and smooth. Digging into the tides, she fished up a little piece of sea glass, semi-opaque with a blue-green tint. She ran her fingers against the smoothed edges, worn away over the years by the waves and the grains of sand. She tried to look through the glass, but couldn't see anything but moving shapes.

Looking up, she saw the Koopa King all hunched over, teaching the youngest ones how to dig up sand crabs. Feet planted in a wide stance, the Koopalings waited for a wave to wash over the shore, then they quickly burrowed their claws deep into the sand, letting the warm water wash away the excess until all that was left was one (or more) unfortunate little sand crab. The little crabs delighted the boys, who laughed as the poor frightened things tried to burrow into the space between their fingers. Especially delightful was the way they made Princess Wendy shriek in horror and disgust, causing the boys to chase her about, holding the crabs by their shells so their spindly little legs kicked and looked generally as creepy as possible. Even Bowser could enjoy some of that action.

After all the fun with the crabs was said and done, Bowser reminded the boys to let the traumatized crustaceans return to their sandy homes, remarking how upset Mama Peach would be if she saw them hurting animals. Hearing this, Peach smirked, willing the blush in her cheeks to die down. In many ways, Bowser was just like her sea glass: in the beginning he was rough and crude, unpleasant, unwanted, and downright dangerous. The waters of time and thousands of tiny thoughts of growing love and devotion toward his princess, like particles of sand, had worn away most of the rough edges and left something quite admirable.

"Mama Peach!" cried Bowser Junior, running toward her splashing clumsily. Peach held her arms out and scooped up the Koopaling. It was always so surprising how heavy he was to hold.

"You're getting so big Junior, it won't be long before I can't do that anymore!"

Junior beamed, "King Dad says he's ready to go back for dinner." The treasure in her hand did not go unnoticed. "What's that?"

"It's sea glass. I found it just now."

"Cool!" Junior smiled with his bright eyes brimming with the glimmer of an idea. "Can I have it?"

Peach smiled and handed it over.

Later that night, after taking a warm shower in her private chamber, Peach donned a comfortable white dress of silky linen. She opted to leave her heavy crown off her hair, the salty sea air gave her hair such perfect waves that her head seemed to need no other ornamentation. She joined the family for a dinner harvested fresh from the ocean. The tangy scent of fresh-squeezed lemon and spices hung in the air as the chefs presented plate after plate of roasted Cheep-Cheep, boiled mussels, and exquisitely prepared seaweed salads.

"A toast," growled Bowser playfully, "to the birthday girl. The only woman in the world to hold the attention of the great mighty Koopa King for so many years." Laughing, hoots, and hollers from the Koopalings temporarily interrupted Bowser's speech until they once again grew silent, waiting for the end of the toast. "And may she continue to do so for many more years." The children clinked their glasses full of minted lemonade together as obnoxiously loudly as possible without shattering the glasses, taking care not to miss any particular sibling. The adults, with glasses half full of a dry white wine, gently tipped their glasses into one another, hardly daring to touch the dainty rims together.

Later that night, after the ruckus died down, after the candles, the singing, the strawberry shortcake, the lavender pots de crème, the tea and the coffee, the children's bedtime and the ensuing chaos therein, Bowser held out a smallish white box for Peach.

Peach smiled as she moved the robin's egg colored tissue to discover her sea glass from that afternoon transformed into a necklace on a long gold chain.

"Junior made it," Bowser remarked.

"It's beautiful, I love it." She looked up at Bowser and looked around at her new "summer home". "Thank you so much for everything."

Bowser gathered all his courage and pulled Peach into a tight hug, trying to channel all the things he was too afraid to put into words. Together, in the silence of the evening, they shared an embrace he wished would last for years.


	11. Red

**A/N: Let me just say, there are SO many things that can be done with red. Eventually, I decided on a tribute to Bowser's least favorite plumber. I wrote this to practice working on my action scenes. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Koopalings, in position!" Bowser bellowed. The thudding footsteps came closer; they were coming up the steps. A low growl registered in Bowser's throat. "Get ready."

The Koopalings hunkered down in their pyramidal formation, Princes Ludwig and Roy at the front and the youngest ones shielded in the middle. The doors burst open with a kick and Mario entered the room, his eyes ablaze and his chest heaving.

"Tired already, Plumber?"

Mario narrowed his eyes and equipped a fire flower. "Kids, guard your Mama Peach, it's about to get hot in here."

The Koopalings moved to form a tight protective circle around the stoic Peach, who watched with silent blue eyes.

In a flash, Mario leaped higher than any human had any right to, sending a rain of fireballs straight for the Koopa King. The well-practiced Koopa dodged like a pro, touching his claw to the smooth cobblestone floor.

"You call that a fireball?" he raged. Bowser allowed his throat to open up, gathering precious ammunition, oxygen from the surrounding air. He produced a swirling mass of fire between his mighty jaws and exhaled it into a burning stream.

Mario barely managed to jump away in time, the rubber slightly melting off the bottom of his shoes. His feet hit the ground and he looked up with a sneer.

Roy cracked his knuckles, grinding each phalange mercilessly against his scaled palm. Mario hardly had time to sidestep as the large Koopaling barreled toward him, fists swinging. The plumber whirled around, grasping the Koopaling's scaly tail to send him flying toward his brothers and sister.

Seizing the opportunity, Wendy sent a barrage of her signature candy rings toward the distracted plumber. The rings bounced off the ceiling and walls dangerously, attempting to find their way around Mario's neck.

Meanwhile, Bowser had geared up for another round of fire breathing, joined with Ludwig. Mario flipped and jumped with wild abandon, dodging fire, rings, punches, and deadly sports equipment courtesy of Larry and Lemmy.

Sweat tricked down Mario's brow. He aimed a jump for Bowser Junior. His boots sped downwards toward the Koopaling's head. He was swiftly interrupted by a well-timed backhand from Bowser, swatting the plumber as one might a bothersome bee. Bowser grimaced. Only a coward would pick off the youngest son first.

Meanwhile, Iggy released the Bob-ombs. They dropped from their cages in the ceiling, landing on the floor with hollow plops. Young Morton's big mouth wasn't impressive for generating fire yet, but the width of the orifice gave his sparks a remarkable spread. The crackling Koopaling's sparks were enough to light the wick of every Bob-omb on the floor. The Bob-ombs began to run about in panic with the knowledge of their impending self-destruction. Remembering a semblance of their training, they flew toward the plumber in droves.

Mario's brow wrinkled in a frown. He picked up the panicked bombs and launched them back toward Bowser and the Koopalings.

"Incoming!" Iggy screamed. Every Koopaling immediately tucked into his or her shell. Bowser clutched Peach closely as he shielded her from the impending explosion.

Flames licked over and around the room and countless Bob-ombs exploded over and around the Koopas. The Koopalings carefully poked their heads out of their shells. The entire room was blackened with soot and Mario's silhouette was flickering.

Iggy groaned, "Oh no, not again. Guys…"

Peach removed herself from Bowser's grasp and looked around, her gentle face smudged with charcoal.

Wendy rolled her eyes, "Don't, like, blame it on us. The Bob-ombs were your stupid idea in the first place."

"Mama Peach! My job was to protect you! Did I do good?" Junior smiled up at his mama, waiting for praise and admiration.

Bowser growled, "Enough! Iggy, go fix the simulator. This plan will never work."

Peach turned to Bowser with surprising softness. She touched his arm lightly, knowing he was likely to be in a bad mood. He looked back at her sheepishly, embarrassment in his eyes.

"Is it always so violent?"

"Not always," he muttered. "Sometimes it's over faster than I'd like. That's why I had Iggy build the simulator, so we could understand his pattern of attack and reduce casualties. It's the ultimate training machine. It watches and copies all his moves. By now, we've got data on all his power-ups. Fire, raccoon, penguin, you name it. We've even got a prototype of Green 'Stache."

"Does it hurt?" Peach asked. "I mean, if you get hit by an attack?"

"Well, normally it's not exactly a trivial matter to have that fat plumber land on your skull, but the simulator allows you to feel you got attacked without the full force of the blow. So, no, not really."

"Simulator's fixed, Dad!" yelled Iggy from inside the control room. "All that dust and soot got sucked into the computer fan when we blew up the Bob-ombs…let's not do that again."

"Alright, everyone. Again!" yelled Bowser.

The Koopalings groaned while rubbing their sore tails and complaining about all the other things they had to do that day.

"Um, Bowser," started Peach, "it looks like everyone might be ready for a break. Maybe we can go have some tea and then afterwards…" Peach fiddled with her fingers.

Bowser's eyes softened, Peach was just too cute when she was nervous. "Afterwards what?"

"Do you think, maybe…I could have a try?" She looked up hopefully, her eyes shining mischievously.

"Absolutely. To tea then!" Bowser commanded, leading his excited Koopalings up the stairs, all eager to see the normally delicate Princess Peach whale upon their simulated arch nemesis in red.


	12. Orange

**A/N: Normally, I hate reading things in script format; if that's you too, I'm really sorry. I saw this twist on the script format in a book I was reading and wanted to give it a try. It's a little experimental, tell me what you think. Oh, and I've decided that I really like the natural conversation dynamic between these two characters who never seem to be "on screen" at the same time.**

* * *

**What I said:**

Bowser Koopa! Don't for one second think you'll get away with this! Untie me right now so I can give you the beating you deserve!

**What you said:**

Silence! You are under my command and will speak only when spoken to. Answer my questions well and I'll be more than happy to return you to that pathetic sand pit you call a kingdom. Cross me and I'll have to kill your little boyfriend when he shows up.

**What I said:**

Big talk considering Mario and Luigi beat you every single time.

**What I didn't say:**

But I'm not so sure what would happen if Luigi came on his own, so ask me your stupid questions and let me out of here. Frankly, I'm just glad you're not after my kingdom; I don't think I'd last long in Peachy's situation. To do this kidnapping thing constantly...I think I'd go crazy.

**What you said:**

Enough! Save your breath for answering my questions. It may be a matter of life and death for you and the plumbers. First question. What is Princess Peach's favorite fruit?

**What I said:**

Strawberry. Everyone knows that. And don't talk to me that way.

**You looked pleased and continued:**

Good. You may be useful after all. If you want to see the light of day, you will answer my next question. When you and Peach have your "girl talk", in the girls' bathroom or whatever, what does she say that she's looking for in a man?

**What you didn't say:**

Is it short, fat, and hairy with a big stupid hat?

**What I said:**

We don't talk about it. Really. She doesn't even have a crush on any celebrities. If I had to guess she probably wants a man who's strong, capable, handsome, but also sweet and gentle. She probably wants someone who would be a good leader to her people, and would make her happy. But who's surprised? All women want those things.

**What you almost said, before you stopped yourself:**

But that's me!

**But instead you said:**

Fine, next question. Is she considering anybody? Any princes, or kings, or…plumbers? Ahem, if Princess Toadstool marries a prince or a king, the Mushroom Kingdom will have twice the military…it would be…more difficult to conquer that way.

**And I retorted:**

What does it matter? When I am Queen of Sarasaland, I won't hesitate to send in my entire army to my cousin's aid if you ever step claw on Mushroom Kingdom soil. She doesn't love anyone, if that's what you're asking. She's too busy for suitors.

**What I didn't say:**

Especially ones with big teeth and horns.

**And with a somber voice, you said:**

Next question then. If she could go on vacation anywhere in the world, where would she choose?

**What I said:**

Bowser, why are you asking me these things? If you really want to know, why don't you ask her the next time you do one of your little kidnapping things?

**What you said:**

She won't talk to me! Even if I asked she'd probably just scream in my ear about Mario or how she wants to go home. She hates me! I don't even care…

**What you didn't say:**

I do care; I really care. It breaks my heart when she is sad and I'm going to do everything in my power to make her happy and smile for me so just answer my questions without any more lip.

**What I said:**

If you don't care, then why am I here? Why are you asking these questions? What, now you're going to get silent on me? What is going on here? Is this about the Mushroom Kingdom or is this about something else? What are you trying to—

**And then you exploded and cried:**

You IDIOT! I love her! It's as obvious as the fact that Peach loves strawberries and her favorite dessert is vanilla cake; she loves the color pink; she doesn't like to eat meat because she feels sorry for stupid animals. These are all things that everybody knows, why are you torturing me about it? You're her closest friend; you know things about her that nobody else does and I need that information. I want her to be happy…with me.

**I smirked and replied:**

Bowser, get the phone so I can tell Luigi not to come get me. Then, let's order up some banana splits. We've got a lot of talking to do.


	13. Yellow

**A/N: This is sappy and weird. I wanted to do something for _Bowser's Inside Story_, since I intentionally ignored my golden opportunity with the "Insides" story prompt. So this barely has anything to do with Yellow. Oh well.**

* * *

"Hello Yellow!"

Peach rubbed her aching head and turned to the area where she heard the distant voice. Her fingers slid on something soft, gooey, and fleshy as she peeled herself off the ground.

She gasped inwardly as she noticed she was covered in a thick, slimy substance. Looking around, she noticed a path, slick with mucus lined with tissues and membranes.

_Oh my Stars, where am I? _She took off her shoes and gingerly placed her bare feet on the slimy path, wincing pitifully. At least her feet could be easily washed. Hiking up her skirt, she followed the path uphill, occasionally climbing a scaly ridge or two until she came across a giant ivory ladder.

She heard a scream from above. _Why, that sounded just like Luigi. _Gripping her heels tightly, she began to scale the enormous ladder. Peach climbed and climbed for what felt like hours. Sweat began to form on her forehead. Eventually, she noticed the top of the ladder closing in above her, like a cage.

Gripping the smooth, porous material, Peach paused to catch her breath. She swung her head back to look down, a dizzying sight. She wouldn't be able to go any higher. Taking a deep breath, she swung herself toward the undulating pink blobs enclosed in the cage. She landed harder than she thought, rolling slightly.

"Mama Peach!" Peach looked up and saw Larry Koopa peeking outside a cave entrance. "Mama Peach, this way, hurry!" She watched Larry adeptly run back inside and she stumbled to follow him.

The cave entrance pulsated menacingly as Peach approached the carefully guarded entrance. A strange yellow block began to speak, "Hello, please stand stillish for a moment while I scan your Globin."

"Scan my what?" A green light quickly flashed across Peach's face and body.

"Scan completeish! Welcome Princess Peach."

The fleshy "gate" blocking the entrance to the cave quickly retreated and Peach carefully entered the cavern. Inside the pulsating chamber, Peach was surprised to find something of a library, with all eight Koopalings leisurely scribbling in all of the books. Peach turned to find Larry beaming up at her.

"Larry, I'm surprised to see you here, actually…where are we?"

"We're in King Dad's heart," Larry bluntly explained. "It looks like King Dad ate some weird mushroom and sucked you right up, huh? That was pretty cool! Actually, I've gotta say it's kind of good to see King Dad on an adventure. He was getting a little out of shape and stuff."

Peach gasped, "We're…inside of Bowser? A weird mushroom…? Did Bowser suck all of you up as well?"

"No way, we live here. Actually, I think there's someone else who lives here that you should meet, c'mon!"

Larry grabbed Peach's hand and dragged her past myriads of shelves and soft velvet couches to a stairway leading to a high balcony. Peach carefully climbed the stairs and found herself face to face with…herself.

"Look, you live here too! I mean, it's not the real you, but still. Anyhow, I have work to catch up on. Later Mama Peach!"

Peach gaped in amazement, the figure in front of her was identical in every way. The other Peach smiled in genuine warmth, "Oh, I'm so glad you could join us, please have a seat. Would you care for some tea?"

Peach sat carefully on the high backed chair and pulled it up to a table stacked high with large tomes and feather pens in inkwells. "I'd love some tea, thank you. What, um, what do you do here?"

The princess smiled, "So glad you asked. I record everything you do out there in the real world that makes an impression on Bowser's heart. If you've done it and Bowser's seen it, I write it down and seal it away." She held up a little red telephone, "The librarian and I work together to figure out what Bowser thinks and feels and remembers about a particular instance. Let me tell you, my job isn't easy, I feel like I've written half the books in this place!"

Peach looked around at the countless shelves, utterly amazed. She sipped her tea and slowly curiosity began to creep upon her. "May I…see what you're working on now?"

"Oh sure, I suppose. I have to say, this particular volume isn't very happy. It might seem a little emotional to you, but don't forget where we are. It's my job to record feelings."

Peach gingerly opened the heavy, leather bound book.

…_And I felt if I went to the meeting about the Blorbs and helped, Peach would be happy with me. But it felt like she didn't want me there, and who could blame her? I saw that terrible toilet fixer and I just lost control. I broke stuff, there was a fight, everything went black and now I can't find Peach anywhere. _

_I miss her already, and I'm scared something bad will happen to her. Can humans get the Blorbs? It would be so sad to see her beautiful body get all puffed up. I love her more than anything in the world and I just want her to love me back. I'm so scared she'll never love me, that she'll always think I'm a monster. I don't want her to think I'm a wimp, of course, but she also has to know I'm not a jerk. I hope that Mario dies in a fire, preferably one created by me. _

_I feel like it might be too late to change her mind about me, but I have to keep trying, even though I know it's hopeless. If I think about the possibility of a future without Peach, I feel like dying inside. I hate how I can never tell her how I really feel…_

Peach quickly put the book back on the table with a blush and a mildly terrified look on her face, feeling as though she had just horribly invaded Bowser's privacy in the worst possible way. Everything in the book was so…not Bowser.

The other Peach sucked on the end of her quill pen with a slight smirk. "Well, as long as you're here, there probably won't be any new feelings to record regarding you, so I guess I get a break."

Peach smiled weakly.

"You know, far be it from me to tell you what to do, and trust me when I say this would only be more work for me, but you know he thinks about you all the time, have you considered giving him a chance? He's got a good heart…I should know." She chuckled lightly at her own joke. "I'd love to write about something that isn't hopelessness, you know? Sometimes it's a little gloomy in this corner of the heart."

Peach looked down at her gloved hands, "This is all new information to me but…I suppose I'm glad I know." Peach reached for the quill pen. "May I?"

"Of course."

Peach took the quill in her hand, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Channeling the warmest thoughts she possibly could, she wrote in her most elegant script: _Don't give up hope. Signed, Princess Peach._


	14. Green

**A/N: Here's some fluff with some fluff on top. Thanks for all the reviews, I have fun writing these little one-shots =)  
**

* * *

The green-eyed monster gazed at Peach and Bowser on their wedding day. She eyed Peach's sweeping white dress, embellished with gold threads and luminous pearls. _I want that dress. _She looked at the fragrant white jasmines in Peach's perfectly coiffed hair and instinctively ran a hand to her own hair. It had been one of the mornings; the stylist broke the brush handle just trying to get all the knots out.

The green-eyed monster was listening as the bride and groom recited their wedding vows. The honeyed verses mingled perfectly together, sharing stories of their tumultuous past and their beautiful reconciliation. She listened intently to the toasters, to Toadsworth calling the union the most important in Mushroom Kingdom's history, to Kamek praising the virtues of his master's lovely wife, and several others. She even made a toast herself. She acclaimed the _beautiful _bride, and their _lovely _romance, the _delicious _food, and the _gracious _accommodations. She gave the kind of speech that she wanted at her own wedding.

The green-eyed monster watched as the perfect couple cut their seven layered cake, revealing the almond flavored sponge cake amidst the orange blossom scented whipped cream. _Oh Stars, this cake is delicious…I want a delicious cake at my wedding. _She watched the bride and groom feed each other their first piece of cake. She saw the bride playfully put a bit of cake on Bowser's snout and giggle as he tried to get her to kiss it off.

The green-eyed monster observed Bowser and Peach on the dance floor, moving as one while the orchestra played a romantic melody. Peach moved across the dance floor as if on clouds, glowing and carefree, a veritable blushing bride. The green-eyed monster looked around, but there were no suitors asking her to dance.

The green-eyed monster was even watching at the end of the reception, long after all but the guests sleeping at the castle had gone home. She spied Peach and Bowser on Peach's balcony, whispering sweet secrets to one another.

"Are we married for real this time?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're married for real," she whispered in reply.

"I'm glad…I really love you Peach."

"I love you too. I never thought I'd be this happy."

The couple kissed in the bold moonlight, the hot night air hanging still around them as fireflies communicated their flashing excitement.

The green-eyed monster snapped, realizing what she had been missing this whole time. She flew down the flight of stairs, into her guest bedroom and slammed the door, heaving on her bed with a great sob.

Upon hearing the commotion, good-hearted Luigi peeked his head into the room to find an extremely distraught Princess Daisy face down on the guest bed. "I-is everything alright?" His heart hammered in his chest as he awaited reply. Was it wrong to disturb her when she was like this?

"Damn it!" she screamed, "Damn it all!"

"Sorry, sorry, so sorry! Should I come back another time or…not at all…or…"

Daisy looked at the retreating man through her messed up hair and watery eyes. "No…it's just…it's not fair. I want that, you know? More than the cake, the dress, the everything! I just want someone to love me like they love each other…I just want to be happy…"

Luigi looked shocked then nervously dropped his gaze to his feet. This was his chance to say something romantic and be the big hero, to finally tell Daisy how he felt. He forced himself to look into her eyes and muttered something incoherent.

"What?"

"I-I said…uh, it's hot in here. Maybe we should go get some punch and some fresh air?"

Daisy looked at him dejectedly, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry to go off on you like that…thanks for listening though."

Luigi took a moment to collect himself and then surprised them both by grabbing Daisy's hand. His head pounding with blood, he looked into her eyes and said, "I would gladly listen to you whenever you wanted me to. You can talk to me about anything because…because I love you, and I always have." He kissed her hand, then suddenly paled in terror at what he had just done. Before he could retreat, Daisy wrapped her arms around the green clad man in a tight embrace. The green-eyed monster quickly vanished, leaving a cheerful, blue-eyed princess in her wake.


	15. Blue

**A/N: Well, what has to do with blue that doesn't mean sadness (too clichè)? Oh wait, I know... =D**

* * *

"Good morning, young Princess," Kamek called to the kindergartener hiding under the bed. "Did you sleep well?"

"Where's Toadsworth?" demanded the muffled voice.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be here in a while, but not to worry because Prince Bowser would like you to play with him today."

No response.

"Why are you hiding under the bed?"

"I don't feel like playing. I want to go home."

Kamek lowered himself on both knees and lifted the bed skirt. "But Princess Peach, you're a guest! Has Toadsworth told you about being a good guest and a good friend?"

Peach slowly crawled out from under the bed, her moony blue eyes gazing upward in a guilty expression. Her fine blonde hair was delightfully disheveled, forming a large, static-y knot on one side. "Yes…"

"Well, do you want Toadsworth to find you hiding under the bed?"

"No…" Peach rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Kamek was grateful that King Toadstool could raise a better-behaved child than he could; he had expected to spend far more time coaxing the little princess out of her room.

Peach brushed the lint off her dress and perked up almost immediately. "What does Prince Bowser want to do?"

Noting his cue, Kamek cleared his throat and began, "Prince Bowser invites you to play 'Bowser's Clues' to figure it out! Goombas!"

An _a capella_ group of four Goombas in shiny top hats marched their way up to the bewildered child, du-woping and (mysteriously) snapping:

"We are gonna play Bowser's Clues,

We are gonna play Bowser's Clues.

We are gonna play Bowser's Clues,

Because it's really fun.

(Du wa wawawa waaahh, yeah!)"

Kamek handed Peach a tiny, glittery, star-shaped notebook. "This is your handy-dandy notebook. All you have to do is look for three clues with Bowser's face on them. When you find a clue, draw it in your notebook! Then, when we've found all the clues, we'll figure it out together. Don't worry, I'll be with you helping the whole time."

The Goombas started singing again:

"We got to find his face (that's the first clue),

We put it in the notebook, then what do we do?

Bowser's Clues, Bowser's Clues!

We gotta find another face (that's the second clue),

We put it in our notebook, now what do we do?

Bowser's Clues, Bowser's Clues!

We got to find another face (that's the third clue),

We put it in the notebook, and you know what to do!

Bowser's Clues, Bowser's Clues!

Then we sit down on a throne and we think…think…think,

'Cause when we use our minds and take a step out of time,

We can do anything…that Prince Bowser wants us to do. (Yeaah!)"

As the song ended, the phone rang right on cue. Kamek answered it officially, "Hello? Oh, is that so? Well thank you very much, I'll tell her immediately." He hung up and turned to Peach. "Princess, Prince Bowser has been spotted in the garden. Shall we go find out what he's up to?"

Little Princess Peach fearlessly skipped along the foreboding corridors of the Koopa Castle. They eventually came to a pair of giant wooden doors leading to the courtyard and garden. To her dismay, she found when she pushed the doors they didn't budge at all. She turned to the Magikoopa, "They won't open!" she exclaimed incredulously. Kamek couldn't help but chuckle, "Oh? Well, what do you think we can do to open these doors?"

Peach stopped to think for a second, eyeing the Magikoopa. "We could blow them up with magic!" she cried.

Kamek was taken aback by the delicate princess's propensity for violence. "Ha ha ha, that's one possibility, but maybe we can think of a solution that's a little less permanent. What do you do in your castle when you want someone to do something for you?"

"Well, we could ask someone to open it for us."

"That sounds like a splendid idea, Your Majesty."

After asking some guards to open the door, princess and Magikoopa both stepped out into the wild Darklandian gardens. Thick, fleshy vines grew over most surfaces in the garden. The Piranha Plants, humming and docile, turned to watch the little girl wish passing interest. Peach showed some trepidation in the garden as some of the smaller carnivorous flowers took to sniffing at her petticoats and nibbling a bit. Soon they came across a medium sized tree with large sugar bags tied to its bowing branches.

"Would you look at that," Kamek spoke in a deadpan voice, "it appears to be a sugar tree." Prince Bowser had never been very knowledgeable about the origin of resources.

A Koopa was under the tree, reaching up for a bag futilely with his stubby arms. "Your Highness! It's a pleasure to see you. I was just trying to get some sugar from this tree for a recipe, but it's too high for me to reach. Do you think you could help me?"

Being of a comparable height to the Koopa, Peach stretched her arms to find she also could not reach. She searched the perimeter of the tree for a stick, but found nothing.

Just then, a gust of wind whipped through the garden. The giant bag of sugar snapped the feeble branch holding it and came crashing down on the poor upward-reaching Koopa. Naturally, the bag exploded on contact, sending a wave of sugar across the courtyard.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," groaned the Koopa from under the pile of sugar crystals.

Peach gasped as she saw the grinning face of the Bowser insignia. "A clue!" she exclaimed, taking out her notebook and drawing the bag of sugar.

"Now, what could Prince Bowser possibly want to do that involves sugar?" asked Kamek. "Well, maybe we should go inside before we get hit with a bag of sugar ourselves."

Suddenly, a voice echoed around Peach and Kamek, "Mail time, mail time, mail time, MAIL TIME!"

The Goombas popped out of various bushes to sing:

"Here's the mail, it regularly fails,

Prince Bowser's gonna burn his shell,

When he does, he's gonna wail,

MAIL!"

The harried looking Parakoopa flew up to Peach and Kamek quickly, bearing a comically oversized letter. "Huff…puff…a letter to…Her Majesty."

Peach opened the letter daintily and found a video message embedded in the strange paper.

"Look there, Princess. It's from the Yoshis. Did you know that they are considered a slave race in the Darklands?"

The on-screen Yoshi looked like it was unhappy and saying something of importance; however, Peach could only hear various intonations of "Yoshi Yoshi Yoshi" issuing from the letter, and thus, lost interest quite rapidly. Kamek almost had to pull Peach's attention back to the letter so she didn't miss the second Darklandian insignia.

"A clue!" she observed. Peach tried her hardest to draw a Yoshi in her sketchbook, the end result leaving a bit to be desired. As she finished, she heard an impatient scoff behind her.

"You call that a drawing of a Yoshi?"

She whirled around and saw the bratty Prince Bowser standing behind her with his arms folded across his chest and foot tapping impatiently. "Kamek, why is this game taking so long? The _preparations _are almost ready and I don't want to have to wait."

"I'm sorry, my liege…"

"Well do something about it, hurry it up! Oh wait, I know. I'm going to be in the kitchen…you'll never find the last clue in there, so don't even try!" With that, Bowser ran off toward the castle, leaving behind a sinister laugh.

Peach looked sadly at her Yoshi. Kamek noticed the girl's pout. "If I may, I think it looks very nice. Perhaps Lord Bowser didn't see it closely enough, hm?"

Peach smiled brightly, "I love Yoshi. Toadsworth said there's a whole island of Yoshis and there's a rainbow of Yoshi colors. Maybe I can go there on an airplane and pet a pink Yoshi. Pink is my favorite color!"

"Princess, we have one more clue to find. Shall we follow Prince Bowser to the Royal Kitchen?"

Peach nodded in affirmation and Kamek teleported them to the entrance of the kitchen.

Inside, many Koopas and Goombas worked over hot stoves with leaping Podoboos and high tech cooking machinery. "Good afternoon Princess Peach," the entire kitchen chanted in well-practiced unison.

A Goomba chef approached the princess. "Please, Your Highness, I am trying to make a recipe, but I am merely 'a dumb, puny Goomba with no arms', so I need your help to put this tray into the oven," he said, a hint of grit in his voice as he recited the words Prince Bowser had commanded him to say. "There are oven mitts on the counter, please be careful."

Peach easily reached into the oven at place the tray of food inside. Upon shutting the oven door, she noticed the third and final Bowser face. "The last clue!" she shouted happily; however, that happiness was to be short-lived. As she put the finishing touches on her drawing of an oven, a thought grew upon her like a dark cloud.

"Well now, what could Prince Bowser possibly want to do that involves sugar, a Yoshi, and an oven?" Kamek chirped, patiently waiting for Peach to figure out the answer so she would go play with Bowser and he could go do something else with the rest of his day.

Huge, salty tears filled Peach's eyes and she shouted, "He's going to eat the Yoshi!"

"What?"

"He's gonna put sugar on the Yoshi and then put it in the..the…" Peach's eyes grew wide. What had she just put in the oven? Had she unwittingly participated in this dreadful scheme? She screamed, "Nooooo! Yoshi!"

Prince Bowser entered, slamming the kitchen door into the wall, then promptly covering his ears. "Why are you screaming?" he shouted over Peach's wails.

"You! You killed Yoshi! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Peach blindly stumbled over to him, tears clouding her vision, until she was close enough to pound her fists against his chest.

It didn't hurt, but it was annoying, so he grabbed her little balled up hands and shouted in her face, "SHUT UP!"

Peach immediately stopped crying and looked up fearfully at the Prince, whose teeth were gritted in anger. "Are you as stupid as those stupid red and green babies?"

Peach shook her head and sniffled.

"I have cookies for us! Get it? Because cookies have sugar, and Yoshis like to eat them, and they go in the oven! It's like I have to explain _everything_! Sheesh!"

Peach held a watery smile and wiped the tears from her face. "Cookies?"

"Yeah…but only if you don't cry anymore. They're in my playroom right now, and we get chocolate milk too. Do you…want to play with me?"

"Yes!" Peach cried. She had worked up an appetite solving all his clues.

All down the hall, the Goombas sang one last song:

"(Do wah, do wah),

You just figured out Bowser's Clues,

Had some help figuring out Bowser's Clues;

You just figured out Bowser's Clues,

Because you're really smart!

(Yeeah)

But now it's time for so long,

(Do do do dooo),

So let's sing, one more song;

(Do do shoo wah),

Thanks for doin' your part,

You sure are smart;

You know with me and you,

And old Kamek too,

We can do anything…"

Peach giggled with a cookie in her mouth, "That Prince Bowser wants us to do."

(Shoo ba do waaah!)


	16. Purple

**A/N: This chapter contains an open "challenge" to my readers! In my spare time, I've been writing a cookbook, and I decided to include a recipe for this chapter to help you all beat some of that Indian Summer heat (for those of you who, like me, live in a place where that's a thing). Make this lemonade and enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

It was hot. Even for the Koopas in the Darklands, the day was uncharacteristically sweltering. Unluckily, the extreme heat had caused the Darklandian Castle's air conditioning unit to implode, meaning the royal family had no respite from the oppressive conditions.

Kidnapped again, Peach sat barefoot in an overstuffed chair, heels kicked to the side unceremoniously. She fanned her sweaty face with Wendy's latest copy of Koopa Couture Magazine to minimal cooling effect.

"Mama Peeeach!" Bowser Junior's voice came howling down the hallway, followed by the young prince himself. Junior crawled on the floor toward Peach, mouth wide open and panting with the heat. He looked up at her. "Why are you wet?"

She groaned, "It's so hot that I've been sweating all over!"

Junior, being a reptile, looked confused but quickly recovered when he remembered why he had come. "But, Mama Peach…King Dad is really grumpy and grouchy, and when I tried to ask him a question…he…he…_yelled_ at meeee!"

"Well, what were you trying to ask him?" Peach asked patiently.

"I…I forgot," Junior admitted. "But still, he is so mad because it is too hot, so I thought maybe we could do something to help everyone to be less hot."

"Well, what do you suggest we do?"

"I dunno, the air conditioning is broken, but I don't know how to fix that, do you?"

Peach thought for a moment, "No, I don't suppose I do, but I have an idea. Let's go down to the kitchen."

* * *

Once in the kitchen, Peach surveyed the expansive stock of fresh fruits, vegetables, meats, and other pantry staples.

Peach clapped her hands together and smiled. "Do you think your father would like lemonade?"

Junior's eyes lit up greedily; he liked and wanted lemonade and thus couldn't care less if his father did or did not like lemonade. "Yes, I think King Dad would be so happy if we had lemonade."

"Alright then, first we'll need to put one cup of sugar and one cup of water into a pan," Peach instructed.

"What?" cried Junior in protest, "We're going to turn on the stove? But lemonade isn't hot!"

Peach only smiled, half grimacing, and turned the heat on the stove. "It's only until the sugar melts into the water. This way the lemonade will be equally sweet and there will be no leftover sugar granules in the bottom of the pitcher."

Peach dusted the extra sugar off her hands and grabbed a basket full of perfectly yellow lemons imported from Dry Dry Desert. "This is a great job for you Junior, because you have to be very strong. I'll cut the lemon in half, and you try to squeeze all of the juice out of it. We'll stop juicing when we have one cup of lemon juice.

Junior took a ready stance before pulling up a stool and beginning to squeeze the lemon halves. It took almost six lemons, but Peach warned that if the lemons were small, or not quite as juicy, it could take even more.

At last, the sugar had dissolved and the lemons were juiced. Junior stuck his finger in the lemon juice and put it in his mouth, scrunching his face with the sourness. Peach pulled some fresh mint leaves off a plant the Darklandian Cooks had growing in the windowsill. "For extra freshness," she told Junior before throwing them in the warm sugar water.

"Hey Junior, I was thinking that maybe we should add some of these beautiful blackberries to this lemonade. Do you think your dad would like that?"

Junior drooled over the plump berries and their dark luster. He popped one in his mouth to sample. The tangy sweetness burst forth into his mouth, the floral aroma travelling to his nose. "Oh yes," he replied, "I bet King Dad would love it."

Peach grabbed one of the baskets full of blackberries and, after rinsing them, gently dropped them into the sugar water. Then, she took a wooden spoon and gently mashed the berries, urging them to release their sweet juices and color into the sugar water.

At last, she allowed Junior to pour in his lemon juice, along with four additional cups of water; "to balance out the flavor," she said.

They poured the mixture into a pitcher and filled three tall glasses with crushed ice. Junior carefully poured equal amounts of the light purple lemonade into each glass while Peach garnished each glass with a slice of lemon, a mint leaf, and a couple whole blackberries.

Junior sipped his lemonade casually, then widened his eyes. "This is _good!_"

Peach giggled, "Good! Now, shall we go together to take some to your father?"

Within minutes, they were staring at Bowser's double doors. Junior knocked quietly while Peach held both her own and Junior's glass of lemonade. A servant opened the door. Inside, the room was completely dark, every curtain being drawn to prevent the heat from entering the room. Bowser was lying on his back in his bed, being fanned by two Koopa Troopas.

"Hey you, who said stop fanning me?" Bowser roared before noticing his visitors. "What? Princess Peach?" He sat up in a rush.

"King Dad! We knew you were hot, so Mama Peach and I made you some ice cold lemonade!"

Bowser's eyebrows perked up at the sight of the frosty glasses before him. As a bonus, Peach had made it for him! "Well, what are you waiting for? Bring it here!"

Upon command, Junior scurried over to his father's side and presented him with the lemonade. Bowser drank greedily, savoring every drop of the sweet piquant beverage. He finished the drink in one quaff and set the glass down with a resonant "Aahh."

"I feel better already," Bowser cried. "I declare this drink a national delicacy! Junior, help your Mama Peach write down the recipe to be put into the archives."

"Yes sir!"

"Cooling down a little has given me an excellent idea…a _kingly _idea!" Bowser boasted. "When you are finished recording that recipe, I shall take you and Mama Peach to the lake and we will all go swimming!"

Junior's excited cheers could be heard all over the castle as he raced to gather pen and paper.

* * *

**Bowser Junior's Blackberry Lemonade**

_Ingredients_

1 cup sugar

¼ cup blackberries

1 spring of mint

1 cup lemon juice (4-8 lemons, depending on size)

1) In a small saucepan, combine sugar and 1 cup of water. Cook over medium heat until sugar is dissolved, then add blackberries and mint. Using a wooden spoon, muddle the blackberries and mint.

2) Move blackberry mixture to a pitcher and add lemon juice and 4 additional cups of water. Stir to combine.

3)Chill until cold and serve over ice, garnishing with extra blackberries, lemon slices, or mint leaves.


	17. Brown

The courtiers huddled around Bowser in a circle on the floor with their eyes repeatedly darting from his face, down to the package in the middle of the circle, and back up again.

Bowser sat on the floor utterly transfixed. His eyes gazed only on the box.

It was small, smaller than a toaster and perfectly square. It was brown and made of cardboard, slightly weathered at the edges. There was a red and white striped cord, like a candy cane but much thinner, tied around the box forming a perfect, albeit droopy bow at the top. Affixed to the top of the package was a label. In a lovely sky blue script it announced "From: Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom".

The UPS (United Paratroopa Service) Koopa had delivered it an hour ago and the king had not touched it since. It was obviously too important (or private) to be sent by the Mushroom Kingdom's public postal service.

The courtiers wondered what could be inside. Was it a letter bomb? Perhaps Princess Peach was finally fed up with Bowser's shenanigans. Was it some baked goods? Hadn't Bowser saved her life during the end of all worlds? Could it be a prank? Even the Koopalings couldn't be so mean, if only for fear of the consequential wrath of their father.

Bowser was conflicted, paralyzed. He wanted to shred the box, instantly revealing its contents. He couldn't stand to touch the box for fear he might break what was inside. What if it were something bad? What if it were something amazing? He wanted everyone to go away, so he could open the box in private. He wanted everyone to stay so they could see his gift from Peach. He gazed at the box with longing and fear, excitement and trepidation.

All the courtiers leaned in to see Bowser gingerly pluck the box from the floor. A whoosh of air escaped his lungs. At least it didn't explode. It was not so heavy, certainly no heavier than a hand of bananas.

He held it to his ear and slowly jostled it ever so lightly. There was a faint noise of packing materials rubbing against the cardboard. It was obviously carefully packed, so much so that Bowser could not tell what was inside by shaking.

Bowser turned his great spiked shell to the courtiers and in his pseudo-privacy swiftly sniffed the box, hoping to catch a trace of perfume or the telltale scent baked goods. Though his sense of smell is keen, Bowser could smell nothing but the dull, musty scent of regular brown cardboard.

Bowser gritted his teeth, savoring and dreading the moment. He pulled the red and white twine, discarding it on the stone palace floor. He slid his nail along the top of the package, splitting the tape and label holding the package shut. The package popped open with a burst of plain white tissue paper. As Bowser began to move away the tissue with his index and middle fingers, all the courtiers leaned in to see.

Suddenly aware of his surroundings, Bowser clutched the box to himself selfishly, hiding it from view. His brows now firmly set in a scowl, he growled, "Out! All of you, out!"

Unwilling to face the Koopa King's wrath, you slowly slink out of the room, never to know what was inside that little brown box.


	18. Black

**A/N: So when I got my 3DS, I was making my Streetpass profile and it asked me what I liked better: Dogs or Cats. Well, I like them both, but I couldn't put both, so I begrudgingly put cats. Somehow, I can't get the notion of 1000 cats crawling around Bowser's castle out of my mind.**

* * *

Bowser followed Peach giddily after promising over and over again to be on his very best behavior. Today, Peach was going to volunteer at the Mushroom Kingdom's animal shelter and Bowser was tagging along as part of some Peace Restoration something or other…it didn't really matter. What mattered is he got to spend the whole day with Peach!

The female Mushroom with minty green spots who worked at the shelter welcomed them as they came through the door. "Good morning, Your Majesties!" she chirped brightly, giving her best courtesy. "The animals have just been fed and I'm sure they're very excited to play with you today. Right this way, please."

Peach and Bowser followed the Mushroom girl down a clean, brightly lit hallway. Hearing Bowser's footsteps, dogs began to bark excitedly.

"At this pet clinic, we make sure the animals are socialized daily with all sorts of different people so they're as friendly as can be by the time someone adopts them!" The Mushroom girl stopped in front of a door. "Well, here we are. There should be plenty of toys inside, and if you need anything, just use the intercom. Have fun, and thank you again for volunteering to make a pet's day wonderful!"

To Peach's delight (and Bowser's dismay), behind the doors was a room filled with nearly twenty kittens of all colors. The tiny balls of fluff were everywhere, exploring under the chairs and couches, sleeping in the warm sunlight streaming through the window, climbing the maze-like shelves installed for them. The entire room was like a kitten paradise. In the corner was a box full of strings and feathery sticks with jingling bells.

Peach immediately took a seat on the couch next to an ambling grey kitten, which stumbled its way into her lap so she might scratch it behind the ears. Bowser took a seat next to Peach on the couch and sneezed (scaring away the more timid kittens). Peach touched his hand gently, and gazed into his eyes. "Thank you for coming with me," she said softly, still scratching the purring kitten.

"Any time Princess," he said casually, picking up an angry looking black kitten. Its fur stood up on end and it opened its mouth to bare its fangs in a loud "mrroowwrr!"

"Oh, Bowser, I think it's scared of you!"

Bowser dropped the cat back to the floor, where it summarily hissed and dashed under the couch.

"Ugh, I wish we could be playing with the cool animals, like the dogs or something."

Peach smiled. "Kittens aren't so bad, they're just particular." Using both hands, she scooped up the grey kitten, now sleeping, off her lap and set it gently on Bowser's knee. At first it looked confused, but when it realized it was sitting on an even warmer perch, it fell back asleep nearly instantly, purring with delight. Meanwhile, Peach grabbed a green feather toy on a flexible plastic rod. The silver bell chimed pleasantly as she jangled it above a white kitty on the back of the couch.

The white kitty sprung into action, batting the toy and catching it in its claws and in its mouth. With a look of feisty determination, it climbed on top of Bowser's horned head and poked out from his fiery mane, batting the toy furiously.

It wasn't long before the black kitten wanted to join in on the fun. He poked his head out from under the couch curiously. Peach handed the feather toy to Bowser, who seemed to greatly enjoy teasing the cats. Suddenly, with the speed on a mini jaguar and the grace of a well-practiced pole-vaulter, the black kitten launched itself from its hiding place under the couch, jumping with his claws outstretched to catch the feather toy.

At first, Bowser was ready to scorch the little thing that had so violently dug its claws into his scales, but then his eyes lit up. This animal was a fearless assassin! Anything that small that would willingly attack something as large and fearsome as the Koopa King…well, it had potential. He wiggled the feather toy and watched in scheming delight as the tiny killer pounced on it with abandon.

If only he could affix a feather toy to Mario and Luigi…

"Peach is there a red feather toy?"

Bowser was delighted to find that the fluffy black demon from the Underwhere was just as happy, no, perhaps _more _happy to attack the new red toy as he was the green toy. Moreover, it was disarmingly cute, which would be enough to fool those idiot plumbers.

Unfortunately, just as Bowser began to perfect his scheme, their time at the animal shelter had come to its end. Bowser hummed happily to himself, though would not tell Peach why he was so happy.

Hours later, when he returned to his palace, he called his top generals into the war room. "Generals," he cried, "go forth into the streets of the Darklands. Before sundown I expect to have fifty pounds of feathers as well as a pen of one thousand…new recruits…"


	19. White

**A/N: Inspired by one of my my favorite ever episodes of _Samurai Jack, _Aku's Fairy Tales. (Go watch it on YouTube!) Enjoy!  
**

* * *

"King Dad, tell me a bedtime story…please?" Junior pleaded, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

Bowser, who was in one of his rare jolly moods, sat down on Junior's bed. "Sure, what do you want to hear about?"

Junior thought hard until he remembered a story Toadette had mentioned to him. "Oh, I want to hear about Snow White."

"Why would you want to hear about a dumb girly story like that?"

Junior gave Bowser a hurt expression, causing his father to scoff with remorse. "All right, all right, keep your shell on. I just said that because the regular version of that story isn't even the real one. Do you want to hear the REAL one?"

Junior launched his fist in the air and cried happily, "Yes yes!" He would have to listen carefully so he could tell Toadette later.

Bowser cracked his knuckles and settled in. "All right. Once upon a time in the Mushroom Kingdom, there lived a princess who was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. Her hair wasn't black, but shiny gold and smelled like fresh water and grass. Her skin was pale and smooth and creamy. So soft and flawless and…"

"Dad…" Junior groaned.

Bowser stopped romanticizing; suddenly remembering his son was in the room. "Ahem, yes, well her name was Peach. Of course, everyone noticed how beautiful she was, which wasn't usually a problem until one day the evil sheriff of the Mushroom Kingdom, a bad man named Mario, noticed Princess Peach and wanted her all to himself."

"Why did they have an evil sheriff?" Junior asked.

"Good question, son. You see, he tricked them into thinking he was good, but he was really just a show off who wanted to take over the Mushroom Kingdom's throne and put his disgusting mustache all over the beautiful, pure Princess!"

"Ewww," cried Junior, hiding his mouth under his sheets.

"Yes, well, the evil sheriff Mario was brainwashing the entire court into making the princess marry him. Luckily, there were eight Koopalings from the Darklands who knew exactly how evil Sheriff Mario was because Sheriff Mario had beat them up before. They knew how unhappy the princess would be if she got married to him and his tacky facial hair."

"Was I one of the Koopalings?"

"Of course. And do you know what you did? You went to Princess Peach's castle and took her away. Of course she was frightened at first and called Sheriff Mario for help. The Koopalings took her to a fortress where servants made her tea, her favorite drink, and lemon cookies. Then the Koopalings told her about all the terrible things Sheriff Mario had done and how evil he was and about his plans for his moustache."

"Did she believe us?"

"Not at first, but you kept trying and then she did. She decided to live with you guys in the fortress so she would not be caught and forced to marry Sheriff Mario. She was mostly happy, because she had servants getting her nice things and she got to play with the Koopalings all day and nobody ever had to do any work unless they wanted to, but she was also sad because she still wanted to get married to someone someday."

"But what about Sheriff Mario?" Junior asked.

"Hold on Junior, I'm getting to that. Now, Sheriff Mario was hopping mad and got his brother, Luigi the Loser, to help him search for the princess. They looked for many weeks until they finally found the fortress. Sheriff Mario and Luigi the Loser saw there were too many Koopalings to beat up at once, so they decided to play a dirty trick.

Sheriff Mario dressed his brother up as a fortuneteller lady and sent him to the fortress. All the Koopalings were very smart and knew the fortune teller was suspicious, but they loved their Mama Peach and she wanted to get her fortune told."

Bowser cleared his throat, readying his best 'Luigi impersonating a lady' impersonation. "'My child, there is love and marriage in your future…You must return to the Mushroom Kingdom and be wed to Sheriff Mario!' said the fake fortuneteller. And then Princess Peach said, 'No way, I know that Sheriff Mario is a bad man and a show-off who beats up children and my friends. I would never marry someone like him.'

Well, when Luigi the Loser went back to Sheriff Mario and told him about that, Mario was even madder. He said 'If she won't marry me, then she'll never get married at all!' He commanded his brother to sneak into the fortress and put poison in Princess Peach's tea."

Junior gasped. "Did we stop him?"

"Well, actually, what Shreiff Mario didn't know is that when Luigi the Loser saw Princess Peach, he also fell in love with her, but he didn't want to get beat up by his brother for not following orders, so instead he used a sleeping potion in her tea so Sheriff Mario would think she was dead but then he could come back and kidnap her for himself later."

"It must be hard to be Mama Peach," muttered Junior sullenly. Bowser nodded in agreement.

"When the Koopalings came in from playing, they were very scared to see their Mama Peach lying on the floor as if she were dead. Even though the Koopalings were smart, the sleeping potion was so strong it tricked all the Koopalings into thinking she was really dead. Even though they were tough, some of the Koopalings cried and it was okay because Peach was the nicest lady they had ever known. They decided to have a funeral for her outside in the sunshine because that's what she liked best."

Junior looked sad, he loved his Mama Peach and couldn't stand to think about anything bad happening to her.

"Don't worry, the story has a happy ending. When the Koopalings took Princess Peach outside, they heard the sound of a whirring helicopter and out of the sky came the great King of all the Darklands! The Koopalings were very happy to see their King Dad, as they should be, but felt sad again when they told him that their Mama Peach had been poisoned.

At first, Bowser was shocked and saddened to hear that, but he took one look at her and his superior Koopa instincts told him that she was not actually dead. He lifted her up and gave her a kiss of true love, which was the best and most awesome kiss she'd ever had. It was so great that it warmed her whole body right up and broke the spell of the sleeping potion. As soon as she saw how good and handsome the Koopa King was, she fell deeply in love with them and they were married the next day. Then Princess Peach, the Koopa King, and all the Koopalings lived together in the Darklands forever. The end!"

"But King Dad, what happened to Sheriff Mario and Luigi the Loser?"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Sheriff Mario caught Luigi the Loser sneaking out to go kidnap Peach for himself. When he found out what his brother had done, they had a big fight and killed each other and nobody went to their funerals and nobody was sad."

"Yay! That was a good story, King Dad."

"Of course it was," said Bowser smugly, "That's why it's the real version! Now get to bed before I have Kammy put a sleeping spell on you."

"Okay," agreed Junior, snuggling into his bed, "goodnight King Dad."

Bowser flicked off the light before heading out the door, "Goodnight Son."


	20. Colorless

Wendy skipped with glee down the echoing hallways of the Darklandian Palace. In her hands she held a vial of colorless, odorless liquid Kamek had been preparing all week. The bottle had been carefully labeled 'love potion'.

Was it really so naughty of her to make up a fake research request from the National Society of Magikoopa? Regular love potions were usually thick and syrupy, not to mention pink and cloyingly fragrant with the scent of strawberries.

_Just a few spoonfuls of this and Mama Peach will be all over King Dad. _

She burst into the kitchen, demanding a cup of tea. She tapped her nails nervously against the industrial sized granite countertops. After five excruciating minutes, a chef set a steaming teacup of hot liquid before the Koopaling. "Would Your Highness care for any cream or sugar?"

Wendy dismissed the grunt with a wave of her hand, "Yeah, sure, put 'em on a tray or something." After the chef turned her back, Wendy tipped the vial into the tea. As an unfinished potion, there was not yet any indication on the label as to how much one should use for maximum effectiveness. Not one to be conservative, Wendy poured at least half the jar's contents in the tea before she heard the kitchen doors slam open again.

Wendy quickly hid the remaining potion behind some kitchen canisters and looked up to see Kammy looking angry and disheveled. "That nasty old codger…can't even keep track of his own things…" The muttering Magikoopa stopped and eyed Wendy suspiciously. "Princess? I'm…surprised to see you in here," she croaked, gazing at the steaming cup. "I didn't know you drank tea," said Kammy, with more than a hint of accusation dripping from her voice.

Wendy turned red and fumbled, "Well, uh, don't you know it's got, like, all sorts of antioxidants to prevent wrinkles and, like, weight loss benefits. I read all about it in Koopa Couture."

"Is that so?" Kammy asked, patiently waiting for Wendy to take a sip. In her current mood, she'd have been more than delighted to find a reason to punish the Koopaling.

Wendy looked at Kammy, then down at the tea, then back up at Kammy again. "W-well, it like, isn't mine…"

Kammy smiled maliciously, now she had the Koopaling right where she wanted her. "Oh? Is that so? Well, then I don't suppose anyone would mind if I drank it then…Stars know poor old Kammy could use a few antioxidants…"

Wendy's eyes widened in horror as Kammy summoned the teacup over to herself. "D-don't! Uh, um, well, I mean it's actually, like, for Mama Peach!"

What would it be in the cup, Kammy wondered. Would it be poison, or alcohol, or something else? Kammy had a finely tuned nose to all such "impurities". "Don't be foolish, Highness. Princess Peach requires a far fresher cup of tea…this tea has gone cold while we've been sitting here...it simply won't do for anyone but a servant such as myself. Chefs, bring Princess Peach a _fresh _cup of tea and have it delivered to her room. Send my apologies about the delay." She turned to Wendy, "Now, let's see about these _antioxidants, _shall we?"

Wendy stared on; helpless to stop Kammy from drinking the love potion laced tea. Kammy eyed the cup, swirling it about a bit. It was the color of tea. She took a deep whiff of the remaining tendrils of steam. It smelled like tea, no trace of alcohol or poison in the cup. She gingerly took a small sip. It tasted like…tea. She narrowed her eyes and quaffed the entire cup before slamming it against the counter angrily.

"Delightful," she remarked coldly, and stormed out of the kitchen area without another word.

Wendy's heart hammered in her chest; she had a feeling she was about to be in big trouble. She waited until she could no longer hear Kammy's footsteps and quickly skittered out the door, forgetting about the remaining potion on the kitchen counter.

Meanwhile, the confused kitchen staff, unsure of what they just witnessed, absentmindedly grabbed the vial of potion instead of the sugar canister and placed it on the tray going up to Peach's room.

* * *

"So as I was saying, Your Eminence, the missing potion in question is completely untested, possibly very dangerous for consumption, particularly _human _consumption, which I have no doubt is the goal of the thief."

Bowser grunted, "So what do you want me to do about it?"

Kamek wrung his hands, knowing not much could be done now that the potion was in unknown hands. "Please, Sire, report any, er, _suspicious activity_ to me right away. Immediate response could be crucial to the health of the one under the influence of the potion."

"Alright, alright. I'll keep my eye out."

Kammy stormed down the hallway until a sudden lurch in her stomach caught her off guard and she stopped abruptly.

_Antioxidants? No, don't be stupid…there was something in that tea, I just know it…I…_

She bit her lower lip and found her eyelashes fluttering themselves.

_What is this…I…_

She removed her pointed hat and shook out her straight silver hair. She felt her pupils dilate and she began to feel light headed and woozy…almost bubbly.

_Poison? But I checked…_

Her breathing sped up and her heart began to race in panic and thrill.

_I…I need to go see Kamek._

* * *

Peach hummed to herself in her room at Bowser's Castle as she attempted to pick a pair of cute, yet tasteful pajamas. Tonight, she and Bowser were to have a movie marathon in his wing of the castle, and though she might not admit it, she was thrilled.

Suddenly, a knock on the door startled her. "Princess Peach, your tea is here." Peach opened the door cautiously. She had not requested any tea. A green-shelled Koopa at the door gracefully placed the lovely silver tea tray down on Peach's bed. "Lady Kammy sends her apologies about the lateness of the tea. Enjoy!"

The door shut and Peach was alone with her thoughts again. _Kammy sent me tea? Well, now that it's been mentioned, tea would be quite nice…_

Peach carefully poured the steaming brew into the small cup on the tray before noticing the vial marked "love potion", sitting halfway drained on the tray. Peach's eyes went wide. _She wouldn't…he wouldn't…_

Peach pursed her lips, suddenly quite angry. She slipped the vial into the pocket of her pajama pants and marched to Bowser's wing of the castle, opening his bedroom door viciously, without knocking.

Bowser jumped out of his seat, startled. "Oh, Princess, I wasn't expecting you so…soon."

He noticed her face was red and her eyes were locked on his in a terrifying, predatory way. "Oh, but weren't you expecting me all along?" she spat, her pseudo-seductive voice barely masking her shaking anger. She advanced upon him, chest heaving and eyes firmly staring into his."

"Wh-what do you…" Bowser paused, remembering what Kamek had said about his missing stupid potion. Maybe it didn't work so well on humans, maybe it made them mad…and sexy…but scary. And it might be dangerous for her! "Oh…oh no…uh, uh, Peach we should really…"

"We should really what? Don't you want to see me? Isn't this what you wanted?"

"I don't…"

Peach took out the vial of potion and thrust it in his hands. "Don't you tell me you don't know what I'm talking about! How could you? Right when I was just starting to trust you…" Peach's bottom lip wavered and tears entered her eyes. She held on to bowser and pressed her face against his chest, sniffling.

_Good Granbi, this stuff has her really messed up…Kamek wasn't kidding when he said it wasn't any good for humans. _

"Peach, you gotta believe me when I say it wasn't meant for you. I didn't even know anything about it until maybe half an hour ago."

Peach sniffled and looked up, "Really? How do you expect me to believe that? It was right on my tea tray."

"Look, we don't have time to talk. We need to see Kamek right now, he'll explain everything…just trust me until then…if you can help it, please don't cry."

With that, Bowser took her by the hand and dragged her along to Kamek's office. When they arrived, Bowser smashed through the closed wooden door and what they found elicited a small scream of horror from Peach before she covered her mouth with her hand, and Bowser graciously covered both their eyes with his hands.

"Your Unexpectedness! I assure you there is an explanation…"

Kamek was not allowed to finish his sentence as Bowser slammed the door shut as quickly as he could, cursing his vision and brain, which would not allow him to un-see the shudder-inducing sight he had just witnessed.

Peach panted heavily, a look of terror on her face. "Okay I believe you."

Bowser stopped and turned to her, "You do?"

"Yes. I believe we may have accidentally been a part of something we had no rights, nor desire to be a party to. I don't believe neither you nor I were ever meant to be a part of this...happenstance."

"Yeah, uh, if you're okay, can we just pretend this never happened?"

"Absolutely."

Awkward silence passed over the royals.

"So…you still want to watch movies with me?" Bowser asked hopefully.

"Anything but romance," Peach answered cheerfully.


	21. Friends

**A/N: Princess-of-your-doom****95 requested a Bowserfied Cinderella story, so I'm here to (mostly) deliver. It may not be actually Bowserfied at all, but I hope this does the job anyway. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Toadette was a mess, a sobbing heap on the floor. At least, that's how Peach found her when she rounded the corner into her private study that wintry morning.

"Why Toadette, whatever is the matter?" she asked, kneeling to rub the servant girl's back soothingly.

Toadette looked up with tears streaked across her face and a woeful expression. "I-I'm sorry Princess…It's just, Toadsworth gave me so much work to do and I really wanted to go to…my friend's birthday party tonight but I have nothing to wear and…" Toadette dissolved into sobs, burying her face into the bottom of Peach's dress.

"Oh Toadette…" Though Toadette was merely a child, she was already one of the hardest working Mushrooms in her castle. It seemed only right to give her a day off. She noticed a tear-stained paper crumpled in her hand. "Is that your list of chores?"

Toadette handed the list to Peach sadly. Peach merely smiled kindly at her. "Why that is a lot of chores, but don't you worry; we'll help you get them done in no time!"

Before Toadette could protest, Peach took the list and went back to her room to change into some simple working garments. _Oh…Toadsworth would be so unhappy if he knew my crying made the Princess start doing…housework._

"Well now," Princess Peach exclaimed upon her return. "I have taken care of my own bed today, and I've asked Mon T. to take care of the bathroom and foyer. If you can get started on the tea room, I'll see what can be done about the kitchen."

"I-it's really not necessa—"

"It's no trouble, off you go now, I'll be back to check on you after the kitchen is done."

"Thank you Princess Peach!"

* * *

Toadette washed the windows of the tea room better than she ever had before. She carefully applied furniture polish to every wooden surface and evicted every speck of dust from under every piece of furniture. It was the least she could do to repay the princess for her kindness.

Around noon, just as Toadette was polishing the final pieces of silverware in front of the softly crackling fire, Peach entered the room flocked by a male attendant carrying several books.

"Good afternoon, Princess," Toadette greeted.

"How's it going Toadette?" Peach looked around brightly. "It looks great in here!"

Toadeete blushed in response.

"I remembered that you mentioned you would need something to wear to your birthday party tonight, so I brought along a tailor to help. What sort of birthday party will it be?"

Toadette's eyes lit up just thinking about the party, "Oh, he said it was going to be a grand ball, with lots of snacks and music, with fun and games!"

Peach giggled, "Oh? Your friend is a boy?"

"Oh, um, yeah…" Toadette replied, blushing and looking down at her feet. It wasn't just any boy; it was a very special boy, though she wasn't sure she was ready for anyone to know that.

"Well, it sounds like this party calls for an extra fancy dress!"

"Yeah…" said Toadette slowly. She didn't really have the money to afford the kind of dress she'd been dreaming of. Ever since the invitation, she had dreamed of dancing with a prince in a shimmering ball gown, a sparkling tiara in front of her mushroom cap, only to have her dream shattered by the crushing reality that she had no such dress, and a growing anxiety that all the other guests at the party would make fun of her common garments. What prince would want to dance with a peasant?

Toadette was snapped out of her daydream by the green spotted Mushroom attempting to take her measurements while chatting with Peach. "…Oh, it should be no problem Princess; I'm thinking not more than three hours or so, depending on the level of detail you're looking for."

"Well Toadette," Peach beamed, "What kind of dress did you have in mind? Do you want to come and choose a fabric?"

Peach sat down and opened a book of sample swatches that was almost as big as Toadette. The fabrics were absolutely stunning in a rainbow of colors and a myriad of textures. There was a smooth mint green damask, a blue oriental floral, sheer lavender chiffons, and shimmering pink taffetas, among many others. Toadette was paralyzed with choice until she saw it, the perfect fabric. It was a beautiful metallic gold lamè.

"This one!" cried Toadette breathlessly.

* * *

Hours later, Toadette twirled in her golden dress, feeling almost trophy-like. Her dress wrapped tightly around her torso, belling out in a fabulous tutu at her hips. Beautiful mirrored ornaments dangled at the ends of her pigtails as Peach put the finishing touches on Toadette's makeup. The pale sun began to set behind the western mountains of the Mushroom Kingdom and the outside air began to take on its wintry chill.

"I should get going soon," mumbled Toadette, slowly realizing that she hadn't fully worked out how she would get there.

"So soon?" asked Peach. "Why it's hardly half past four."

"Yeah, it's kind of a long ride on the bus, plus I'll have to walk for a ways too." Goosebumps raised on her arms, just thinking about walking through the snow and the chilly night air in her flashy new dress and expensive, delicate shoes.

"Hm, then it will be very late by the time you get home," Peach stated. "It really isn't safe for you to be wandering about in the dead of night, you could catch a cold."

Toadette looked down, she didn't relish the thought of walking alone, _especially _where she was going.

Peach caught Toadette's downcast expression and smiled softly. "Well, perhaps I can arrange some transportation for you instead. Where is the party?"

"…"

"Toadette?"

The little Mushroom looked away and shuffled her feet nervously. She knew she shouldn't keep secrets from the princess, especially after she had helped her so much but…

"Toadette? Where is the party?" Now she sounded worried. "You can tell me, it's okay. You can always tell me anything."

Toadette mumbled something incomprehensible.

"Pardon?"

"The Darklands!" Toadette cried, earning some shocked looks from nearby servants.

Peach's eyes opened wide in surprise, but she quickly regained her composure. She took a deep breath.

_Oh stupid self, why did you have to open your fat mouth? Now you'll never be allowed out of the castle to go…_

"I-it's Bowser Junior's birthday party and he wrote me weeks ago to say I was invited. I had everything ready to go but then stupid Parakarry showed up with the wrong package and then Toadsworth gave me a big list of chores this morning and…" Toadette's eyes welled with tears once more.

Peach sighed and hugged Toadette close. "Shh, don't cry. You'll ruin your nice makeup." She produced a small tissue, which she offered to Toadette. "I didn't know it was Junior's birthday. If it would be okay with you…I…I think I would like to escort you."

"You would?" Toadette was sure Princess Peach hated the Darklands and the entire Koopa Royal Family. Why would she agree to such a thing?

Peach merely walked quickly to the nearest servant, asking him to prepare the royal carriage for an "emergency diplomacy visit".

* * *

Toadette knocked her feet together and pulled the blanket inside the coach closer to her body. She couldn't believe she was really here, inside the royal carriage, ready to go to Junior's birthday party. She felt just like Cinderella!

She glanced over at her fairy godmother, who was dressed in a luxurious pink gown with gold embroidery, large cream-colored plumes in her hair. She played with the red ribbon bow atop the crisply wrapped gift she had purchased for Junior. She looked uneasy, almost nervous. What was she thinking about?

Gentle snowflakes began to fall as the silvery moon rose in the cloudless sky. The mushroom-shaped carriage pressed onwards, toward the glowing warmth of the Darklandian Castle and the jovial festivities within.


	22. Enemies

**A/N: Ever notice how in Paper Mario, Mario always stops walking when he gets an e-mail, at least for a split second? So annoying. A friend and I were playing together and thought of the following story. Enjoy!**

* * *

Inside the tallest tower of the Darklandian Castle, Bowser sat, day and night, watching and rewatching countless hours of footage in a dimly lit studio outfitted with multiple screens. He pressed his thumb and forefingers against his eyelids before dragging his hand across his face all the while thinking, _where did I go wrong…how did I fail this time?_

It was impossible to understand how that measly, low-life of a plumber beat him time and again. He's used money, machinery, and even ultimate-power-granting star rods for Granbi's sake. How could such a studly king lose over and over to that…mustachioed jerk?

The day before he locked himself in the tower (with several pints of ice cream and a month's supply of beef jerky) he vowed to study the plumber, to learn his pattern of attack and find his week point. Three delirious days later, Bowser found his eyes and lips dry, and hated the sight of the plumber more than he ever thought possible.

**Things Bowser hated, in no particular order (abridged): **

**-**His stupid cry when he jumped

-The way he was always showing off

-The quiver of his mustache in the wind

-His entire stupid mustache

-The way he looked without his hat,

-The way he looked with his hat

-The fact that his hat was monogrammed…so egotistical

-Those tacky overalls

-Mario's chubby pot belly

-The way every woman (and some men) seemed to fawn over the overweight Italian

-His corny accent and overflowing enthusiasm

-EVERYTHING

After watching himself be defeated at the hands of the plumber for the umpteenth time, it seemed Bowser's mood could sink no lower. Disgusted, he almost turned off the video when he noticed something on another screen.

He watched the portly hero whip out his Mailbox SP time and again, always stopping in his tracks, carefully reading each e-mail, and crafting a thoughtful reply before continuing on his adventure. No matter how trivial the e-mail was, Mario always followed this same procedure for _every _e-mail received. Hell, he even took the time to craft a polite response to the spam mail from Rogueport Shop, explaining that while he finds their goods and services useful, he doesn't live in Rogueport and thus is politely requesting to be removed from the e-mail list.

Bowser smirked, a sinister idea forming in his brain. He calmly tapped the button on the castle intercom. "Kamek, can our intelligence find the e-mail address of our least favorite plumber?"

**E-mails received by Mario in the next 15 minutes (abridged):**

**-**Make 100,000,000 coins fast!

-Lonely? Tanooki suit cuties waiting for you!

-Hello? I am Beanbeankingdom royalty. Need your help!

-Free replica Toadstool Tour golf clubs! Act now!

-Male enhancement mushrooms, no prescription necessary

-Emergency bank alert! Your account information is needed!

-You have 23 unread alerts from Oinkville!

-Favorite our band, _Koops Eastwood Bro _on SpaceShnook!

-Hi buddy it's-a-me, download music free free free now!

-Help, Mario, I've been kidnapped again…

-Check this out! (attachment: notavirusdotexe)

-Stream free Koopa Porn now, hot reptilian action is waiting for you. Click now!

-It only takes 15 minutes to save 15% or more!

Bowser cracked his knuckles and arched his tired spine, laughing evilly as he prepared the Clown Car for its latest siege on the Mushroom Castle.


	23. Lovers

"I-I've never done this before," squealed Peach in a panicky voice.

"Shh, don't worry," Bowser cooed, "just relax and it'll be fun. I'll show you everything you need to know."

"You've done this before? A lot?"

Bowser blushed at the question, "Well, not _a lot, _but I do have kids you know."

"Oh yeah…"

"Hey, don't worry about it. This is my first time with you, so it'll be the most special of all!"

"Okay well, what do I do?"

"Well, first you stand up."

"Stand up?" Peach asked incredulously, "I've never heard of anyone standing up for this."

"Trust me, it's a lot more fun if you stand up, it really helps you get into it."

"Right, I forgot I was talking to the expert…" Peach rolled her eyes.

"Hey, don't be like that…Anyhow, now you grab this thing…"

"Oh, I heard you're supposed to slip this thing on, for safety, right?"

Bowser groaned, "Aw, c'mon Peach, nobody uses those things. They're uncomfortable, they make you look stupid, and they just get in the way. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Bowser…" Peach chastised, with a stern look on her face.

Bowser sighed, "Fine, put it on if you want."

Peach smiled nervously, "Okay, now we're ready?"

"Not yet, you have to decide what you want to do first."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to do if I've never done this before?"

"Well, you can look though this if you'd like…just find one that you think looks like fun and we'll do it."

"O-ok… How about this? Is this okay with you?"

"I'll do anything you want me to," replied Bowser. "Hold on, let me get it ready for you."

"I'm so self-conscious, you know?"

"Really? Why? You have no reason to be self-conscious about anything, you're beautiful!"

"Oh, it's not like that kind of self conscious, it's just…I just don't have any experience with this. What if I'm bad at it or do something stupid?"

"Relax, don't worry…it's supposed to be fun. I'm just going to let you get comfortable with how it works and make sure you're having a good time, and then we can worry about me. Sound good?"

"Okay, sounds good."

"Alright, now stand right here, then you bend down and touch your toes, just like you saw…"

"Oh my Stars…this is so…I don't know about this…I feel weird."

"You're ok… See? You're doing great!"

"But it's so awkward…"

"Just give yourself time to get used to it, it won't get harder until I make it…"

"Okay, now what…"

"Just keep doing it like you've been doing it, but it's gonna get a little faster, okay? Don't hurt yourself though, just stop if it goes too fast, okay?"

"Alright…" Peach huffed, "this really is a workout…I wonder if this is how Daisy stays in such great shape…"

Suddenly, there was a loud banging noise on the door. "King Daaad!" wailed Bowser Junior.

"Not now, Mama Peach and I are busy!" yelled Bowser a little too late.

The door whipped open and Junior's jaw dropped to the floor when he saw the scene before him.

"No fair! You're playing Wii Fit without me! I wanna play too!"

Bowser growled; his fun afternoon teaching Peach to play video games would now have to be shared with his youngest son, but as long as Peach was happy, that was really all he cared about.

"Alright Junior," Peach replied, fanning herself, her cheeks flushed a bright pink. "Why don't you have a turn, I'm already all worn out!"


	24. Family

Bowser grumbled and mentally kicked himself for all the times he had ever kidnapped Peach. Who would have known it would come back to bite him in the tail like this? He fried another stupid beast with his intense fire breath before continuing his long trek to the fortress where he would inevitably be told his fiancée was in another castle.

Two weeks ago, Bowser had decided it was time to propose to Peach (again), marry her (again), and make her his queen, now and forevermore. This time, however, it would be different, because this time, she loved him back. She had told him so herself; he remembered because that day was the happiest day of his life. So he set out to do things the right way, to get the blessings of King Toadstool and become a true part of Peach's family.

He figured it would be easy, that the Mushroom King would be so relieved to have his terrifying power finally coming to them in peace that they would accept his bid for marriage, no questions asked. Unfortunately, he had another thing coming. King Toadstool summoned that vile henchman of his, Toadsworth, and they held a council where it was decided that before Bowser would be given permission to ask for the princess's hand in marriage, he must endure trials equal to those endured by Mario during his many missions to save the princess from his clutches. Even then, it only earned him the right to ask Peach to marry him; it didn't guarantee she'd say yes.

Thus, Bowser trekked mile after mile of sun scorched desert, frosty tundra, and frustratingly complex pipe mazes, and would have gladly done it 10,000 times if only for the slightest chance to earn a forever place beside the love of his life.


	25. Strangers

**A/N: This is the first story I've written in AU. Here's a bit of background: Bowser and Peach have never met before, meaning no kidnappings, and thus no Mario Brothers. Thus, Peach doesn't have a lot of friends and is pretty lonely, not to mention she hasn't really developed as much of that emotional maturity that comes from enduring hardship.**

* * *

"Princess Toadstool, you are looking very regal today."

Peach sighed, and took her seat, "Thanks Toadsworth."

"Oh, dear girl, what's the matter?"

"Is it true that Daisy is really going to be away on a ski vacation for three weeks?" Peach sighed heavily again, checking her hair for split ends.

Toadsworth looked at her sympathetically.

It's just…I wish we could have gone this time."

Toadsworth drew himself up and put his hand on Peach's back in a fatherly manner. "Oh I know how lonely it gets in this old castle, but she'll be back soon. Just think of all the stories you'll have to tell each other."

_More like the stories she'll be able to tell me. What could possibly be noteworthy about sitting in the castle alone for three weeks? _Peach said nothing but gave a sad look.

Toadsworth wrung his hands. "Well, in any case, you won't find yourself completely devoid of visitors in Princess Daisy's absence.

Peach raised her head in question.

"We are expecting a visit from the young monarch of the Darklands and his entourage."

Peach squinted here eyes and thought hard. "Darklands…where is that exactly?"

Using his finger, Toadsworth circled a sizeable portion of his world map.

"Oh, it's big then," Peach stated plainly, embarrassed to have forgotten.

"It's growing," Toadsworth said, a hint of warning in his voice.

"Why have we not made contact before now?"

Toadsworth cleared his throat, "We have made contact in the past, with the previous monarchs, but only when you were far too young to recall. The whole land was thrown into civil war with the death of the King and Queen. The whole kingdom went through a massive restructuring, mostly orchestrated by Kamek, the royal family's loyal adviser."

"Oh."

"But you mustn't underestimate them, love. The new ruler, Lord Bowser, has quite a reputation as a skilled leader and an _empire expander._"

"Okay, and what is the nature of this visit?"

"It is merely a formal meet-and-greet. We will probably spend tomorrow entertaining His Highness at the castle, the next day we will show the Darklandian ambassadors around the kingdom, and on the third day conduct negotiations for peaceful conduct, trade, etcetera. Nothing out of the ordinary, eh?"

Peach shrugged her shoulders. "Alright then. And if I may ask, of what kind is Lord Bowser himself?"

"Koopa. And if I may be so bold, he is right around your age as well."

Peach looked at a Koopa Troopa maid cleaning outside Toadsworth's office and smiled.

* * *

"I don't get it; why can't we just walk in the door, smash things up, and declare ourselves the new rulers of the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"My Liege," started Kamek, "Please have patience. We first need to see if the Mushroom Kingdom has any assets worth having. Furthermore, we must scout their military prowess to see if, for the time being, they might make better allies."

"And then we can double-cross them later?"

"Exactly, my lord."

"Excellent Kamek…then I will go meet these Mushroomies."

"Yes, we expect to arrive to meet the princess tomorrow afternoon."

Bowser jerked his head up indignantly, "The princess? Why the hell are we meeting with some airhead princess? Do they know who we are? They should be sending our their KING."

Kamek rushed to quiet His Pridefulness, "Sire, they mean us no disrespect, I assure you. For brevity's sake I will tell you that Princess Toadstool is the acting monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom. If you wish to know the more complicated details, I could have a report sent to you by…"

"No thanks," Bowser growled. "In a short time, it won't matter, because all of the Mushroom Kingdom will be under new leadership…my leadership."

* * *

At 2pm, Mushroom Kingdom Standard Time, the trumpets heralding King Bowser's arrival sounded loud and clear though the Mushroom courtyard.

As was traditional, Peach waited inside on her throne wearing her fullest dress and heaviest crown. Unlike her day-to-day attire, the dress was entirely covered in gold embroidery and shimmering gems and the crown was nearly twice the size of her normal crown and heavily encrusted with royal gems. Both weighed heavily on Peach's body while she valiantly struggled to look as regal as possible.

A little Toad came though the throne room door, clutching a scroll and a small bugle. He took a deep breath, "Announcing His Royal Majesty, Lord over all the Darklands, the Honorable, the Invincible, King Bowser Koopa!" And he sounded the bugle.

The double doors leading to the throne room opened and Peach nearly dropped her scepter in shock. In strode Bowser, wearing a huge crown and his deepest cape. She had been expecting…well, a Koopa, like the small ones here in Mushroom Kingdom. Instead, she found herself face to face with an enormous horned king.

Remembering her manners, she quickly dipped her head forward, nearly losing her heavy crown. She kept it in place with a quick hand. A snort escaped Bowser's snout. Peach blushed hard and looked up at the source of the sound. Their eyes met.

Bowser felt his throat seize up on him and a sudden flighty feeling in the pit of his stomach. _What in the—_There was no denying it…the princess was a knockout. Peach stared back, dazzled by his sheer size and ferocity. Quickly, she began to utter her well-practiced welcome speech. Though she spoke clearly and with perfect diction, neither royal heard nor comprehended what she was saying. They merely stood, each transfixed by the other's eyes.

Later that night, when Peach had changed out of her ceremonial dress and into her (far more comfortable) dining gown, she sat at the head of the table in the banquet hall, with Bowser directly across for her all the way at the other end of the table. She tried to make polite conversation with the Darklandian ambassadors, but every time the Koopa King would lock eyes with her from across the table, she felt herself begin to sweat.

Similarly, Bowser was doing the best he could to get these fungi to shut up so he could stare at the princess. Every time he did, he felt like his stomach was dropping below his knees. He couldn't explain it, but he knew it was a hell of a lot more fun than listening to a talking Mushroom.

After dinner, the meetings adjourned and all guests retired to the guest chambers. Kamek entered Bowser's room, intending to have a late-night council with the King. What he found instead was less a king and more a Koopa, barely older than a teenaged Koopaling, sprawled out on his bed staring at the ceiling in amazement.

"My Lord?"

Bowser growled; His Dourness was back. "What do you want, Kamek?"

"My apologies, Highness. I wished only to see if you had any thoughts on tonight's visit."

Bowser remained silent; he had a lot of thoughts, but none he wanted to share with Kamek.

Kamek cleared his throat and suppressed a grin. Something was troubling the King and he bet he could guess what. "Well, My Lord, the report has come back from our spies and there is excellent news. It seems the entire Mushroom Kingdom army is a volunteer army of citizens."

Bowser gave Kamek a look that said, "So?"

Kamek giggled evilly, "They're all Mushrooms, every single one. Lord Bowser, you could single-handedly defeat the whole army personally. This of course means that there will be no need to keep this kingdom around as an ally…the only thing left is to see if it's even worth your time to take the kingdom over."

Bowser envisioned himself decimating the Mushroom Army, marching up to the castle, and crashing through the gate heroically. He imagined the Koopa flag flying over the turrets of the castle. Then, an unwelcome image drifted to his mind. He imagined the crying face of the princess, her pleas for mercy. Would he decapitate her like the rest? Those eyes looking sadly at him…those damn eyes.

Bowser set his jaw and reminded himself to be hard. He growled, "Yeah, we'll scout tomorrow…if there's anything even vaguely worth having, we'll kill them all."

* * *

The next day, a caravan of carriages was prepared bright and early. Peach and Toadsworth rode in one, Bowser and Kamek in another, and the rest of the diplomats were stuffed in a remaining carriage.

Bowser thought as they toured the Mushroom Kingdom. He wanted those windmills, he wanted those farms, he wanted the cafes, the train station, the commerce, the princess, the-_Wait, what? _Bowser grumbled and shifted in his seat.

He chastised himself. _You know you thought it, you idiot. _

_What? How dare you? I'm the King; nobody talks to me like that…not even myself._

_You know you like her. You want her near you, want to see her and talk to her. Your first kiss?_

_Shut up._

_It won't be allowed, you know. She's not even your same species._

_I'm the King of all Koopas…I'll have what I want. Who's going to stop me?_

Nobody…nobody could stop him. He could take this kingdom over and she would be his. Nobody would have to know she was still alive; he could just keep her in his castle, a guilty secret. He imagined her face streaked with tears and huffed to himself. That…that wasn't exactly what he wanted though.

The carriages pulled to a stop at the Mushroom Kingdom's largest and most prestigious university. Inside, a quad had been sectioned off for a catered picnic lunch. Additionally, the university had set up a couple badminton nets for those who wished to play.

Bowser caught the princess out of the corner of his eye and found himself unsure how to approach her. All of his "friends" in the Darklands had to respect and fear him, as he was their king. But this princess…well, they were equals. _Almost equals._

"Your Highness, would you care for a game of badminton while our lunch is being prepared?" Bowser jumped at the high voice so close to him. How had she gotten over there so fast? Peach made her very best effort to smile politely, though she was a bit dizzy from even being so near to the terrifying king.

"Uh…yeah, badminton. Let's rock."

_She thinks she can challenge me to a game and win? Ha, I don't think so. Time to show these little Mushroomies what I'm made of!_

Peach carefully and politely served the birdie to Bowser, which was summarily returned with a vicious spike. Peach was taken aback as the birdie struck the ground.

_Woo, yeah! First point goes to Bowser, the unstoppable Koopa King!_

Several more rounds passed the same way, Peach politely knocking the birdie over the net, and Bowser returning the serve with twenty times the power. Eventually, lunch was served.

"Oh, it looks like or lunch is ready…"

_Ha ha! That's right, she forfeits; I win!_

"It looks like you've won. Good game," she said casually, before turning her back and heading toward the picnic table.

Bowser looked deflated. _What? …But I won. Why isn't she more impressed that I won? Didn't anybody see me win? _He heard Peach's clear laugh ring out across the quad. _She doesn't even care that she lost._

* * *

Late that night, Bowser couldn't sleep. He could hear Kamek's snoring through the walls. He could have gone to make trouble, but instead he decided to slip out of the guest chambers and into the courtyard.

Once outside, he was surprised to find none other than Princess Peach sitting in the starlight, ostensibly alone. He felt his internal temperature rise in excitement and panic. He thought for a moment about going back inside without speaking to her. Instead, he cleared his throat loudly.

Peach whipped around with a start and immediately jumped up off the ground, brushing the dirt off her dress and responding with a quick curtsey. "King Koopa, forgive me, I was startled. I didn't expect anyone to be out here so late."

Bowser grunted, "You can call me Bowser, and I didn't expect anyone to be out here either."

"Oh," she replied, "is something the matter?"

Bowser thought for a second, before allowing his eyes to drift to hers. "I can't sleep…too many things to think about."

Peach looked confused.

"King things," he clarified.

"Oh," she replied, politely dropping the subject. An awkward silence washed around them. Bowser sat down next to where Peach had previously been sitting. Peach sat down as well, leaving a respectful distance between them.

"Peach?" he asked.

She snapped to attention at hearing him use her first name, but she decided it was only fair if she was to call him Bowser. "Yes?"

"Would…your kingdom like to be allies with my kingdom?"

Peach smiled, hastily replying, "Oh yes, the Mushroom Kingdom is always looking for lasting peace agreements with…"

"No," he growled, turning toward her, his eyes burning intensely into hers. Peach shrunk back, but was deeply mesmerized by the fiery gleam of his stare. "I mean more than just peaceful. Strong allies…deep allies." He took a breath, but couldn't seem to breathe. "I…really like your kingdom," he stared at her with all the intensity he could muster, "it's beautiful. Since I have been in your kingdom I've felt…different than I have in any other kingdom, including my own." He paused. "I think…I think it must be special somehow."

Peach's eyes widened and her heart raced. She couldn't look away from those gleaming amber eyes, so close to her own. Breathlessly, she replied, "I'm…so honored…you…"

The rest of her sentence was cut off by a gentle kiss, which she returned with passionate gusto. Every synapse in her brain was firing simultaneously, opening the floodgates of adrenaline. Her mind screamed with thrill and fear, excitement and horror. An equal mix of "_you shouldn't be doing this" _and "_I'm glad I am". _

When they finally pulled away from one another, Peach trembled and bit her lower lip. She looked over her shoulder in sudden paranoia. She stood up, "I…I must go."

Bowser opened his mouth and reached toward her but said nothing.

She reached into her dress and pulled out a soft pink handkerchief. "Here, take this. Goodnight Bowser."

"Goodnight Peach," he whispered as she rushed back inside. Once she was gone, he put the kerchief to his tingling lips. It smelled just like her perfume. He sighed and slowly got up and went back to the guest chambers.

Inside, Kamek was standing near the doorway. He noticed the pink cloth in Bowser's hand and smiled with an amused expression.

Bowser quickly hid the cloth from view and snarled, "What are you smiling about?" before slamming the door behind him.


	26. Teammates

"Mail call!" yelled Parakarry, even though Luigi was already standing right next to the mailbox.

Luigi wiggled his finger inside his ear and looked offended. "Thanks Parakarry," he muttered begrudgingly.

"Wind, sleet, snow or hail, I'll deliver—" Luigi shut the door behind him before Parakarry could finish the slogan.

Luigi carefully opened the letter; it was this year's teammate roster for the doubles tennis championships. He quickly scanned the letter and his jaw dropped in horror. This couldn't be right; it had to be a joke. Luigi cringed, he didn't want to be around when Mario got home and saw this.

_Congratulations! You're invited to participate in the 3__rd__ annual Peach Dome Doubles Tennis Tournament. Teammates have been randomly selected from the list of current participants and teams are as follows:_

_Rumbling Rivals: Mario & Bowser_

_Fearful Fighters: Luigi & King Boo_

_Sneaky Sultans: Daisy & Waluigi_

_Tiny Titans: Toadette & Bowser Junior_

_Biggie Smalls: Wario & Toad_

_Celestial Princesses: Rosalina & Peach_

Luigi's gripped the letter tightly; he couldn't stand the thought of that creep Waluigi being anywhere close to Daisy. He secretly hoped Daisy would find reason to deck him a time or two. The real nightmare, of course, was to be paired with King Boo. All Boos loved to scare Luigi, and King Boo most of all. Luigi broke out into a cold sweat just thinking about it. It was nearly impossible for him to concentrate with a dead thing on the court.

"Mama Mia," he whined, and put a kettle of water on to make some comforting tea.

* * *

"All right!" shouted Bowser Junior, clutching the paper while dancing around the castle. Not only was he invited to Mama Peach's Tennis Tournament, but also he got partnered with his very best friend, Toadette.

He reached down and made his very best effort to touch his toes, with limited success. He was going to have to get in shape if he wanted to impress Toadette and beat all the grown-ups together. He huffed, groaned, and strained until finally he was able to just barely hook the tip of one of his claws around one of his toe claws.

"Yeah!" It was clear that the adults would have a chance. He was so happy that he completely missed his father standing in the doorway, watching him with his eyebrows raised.

"What's got you so happy, runt?"

Junior screamed out loud in shock, then quickly clamped a claw over his mouth.

"What's this letter?" he demanded, swiftly plucking it from Junior's hand.

"No, King Dad…You shouldn't read it! You're not gonna like it…"

Bowser skimmed the letter with a smirk until…

"WHAT?"

Junior covered his head with his hands and scampered off to find shelter.

"I can't believe they paired me with that no good, tubby, short, ugly, disgusting plumber."

He looked at an empty space he had cleared in advance for last year's tennis trophy, which he failed to win.

"That mustachioed moron ruined the tournament for me last year, and now he'll do it again. I can't even look at him without wanting to throw up all over those tacky overalls of his. How am I gonna bring home the trophy with that fat fool on my team? I already cleared a space for it and everything!"

Junior smirked, "Don't worry King Dad, if you lose, I'll bring home the trophy for us!"

A vase flung in Junior's direction smashing against the wall was the only answer to Junior's suggestion.

* * *

On the court the day of the tournament, it seemed almost nobody was happy (besides Junior and Toadette and, to a lesser extent, Peach and Rosalina).

Peach and Rosalina trotted out on the court in their lovely athletic outfits, making the crowd go wild. Peach blew kisses to the audience while Rosalina merely waved, causing the Luma section to explode with squees.

Meanwhile, Mario and Bowser stomped out to the other side of the court, enraged at having to share the glory with one another. Mario performed one of his famous jumps and handstands while Bowser roared and blew fire.

Both women rolled their eyes. Men could be so silly at times. The opponents faced each other down. Rosalina looked fondly at Mario and brushed back her bangs. She knew it could never work out between Mario and herself; he had so many attachments to the Mushroom Kingdom, constantly saving Peach from Bowser. But still, she remembered the warmth she felt when he had come to her observatories. All the Lumas liked him right away, and that's how she knew he was quite special. For once in her life, she had felt a little less…lonely.

She took a sideways glance at Peach, calmly fending off competitive taunts from Bowser. In a way, those two sort of balanced each other out. She secretly wished they would just settle their differences…then Peach would be out of the way and maybe Mario would stay…

Lost in her musings, Rosalina almost missed the first shot volleyed by Bowser. However, Rosalina was no slouch and blasted the ball back with a powerful shot. Bowser missed the volley and the first point of the game went to Peach and Rosalina.

The crowd cheered and Mario put his face in his glove, "Mama Mia…"

"Hey, shut up," ordered Bowser. "I didn't even see you try to go for it you lazy lasagna-eater."

Mario glared at Bowser and shook his head. It was going to be a long game.

Bowser grumbled. Why did he have to be on stupid Mario's team anyway? It was clear to anyone with eyeballs that _he _was the one doing all the work. Why couldn't he have been partnered with someone competent? Someone like Peach. He watched her dash around the court, returning serves and laughing happily when she managed to get a ball past Mario or Bowser.

She was beautiful, and fun. How could she love the plumber? She returned another serve of Mario's. She couldn't possibly. He returned a volley with a self-satisfied smile on his face. The ball shot past Peach and Rosalina. Score one point for Bowser!

Mario leaped into the air in victory. "Can it, short stuff. I was just showing you how it's done so you can be of a little more use to me next time."

Mario grumbled under his mustache. He just couldn't understand why Peach kept inviting Bowser to these things. _Probably so he doesn't show up and ruin them out of spite. _He hit the ball back to the princesses with a sharp curve. Rosalina dove in front of the ball to hit it back. Peach was so lucky to have such a hardworking partner. He was surprised Rosalina would even look Bowser in the eye, much less play a game of tennis with him, after all he had done to the galaxy and the Comet Observatory. Maybe she just enjoyed the company of everyone else so much it was worth it. Mario smiled and tried to forget Bowser was there. He figured that would be the best way to make sure everyone, especially Rosalina, had the best time possible.

Mario was so effective at pretending Bowser wasn't there that he backed up, trying to hit the ball and crashed into the soft underbelly of the Koopa King, who roared in fury. Both plumber and king missed the overhead volley and Bowser brought his tennis racket down over the head of the surprised plumber.

"You…IDIOT!" Bowser roared, saving the profanity for private usage.

The referee blew his whistle and the game was halted. Rosalina rushed Mario to the sidelines, where the medics provided a bag of ice for Mario's head. Peach looked at Bowser with pursed lips and her hands on her hips.

Bowser threw his hands in the air and put on an innocent expression. "What? It was an _accident_. I was trying to hit the ball."

Peach gave him a look that said she didn't believe him. Bowser only laughed. "Believe me if you want, either way it was still pretty funny." Bowser paused. "Aw, c'mon, look at him…he's fine."

Rosalina held Mario's hand tightly and urged him to remain seated, despite the latter's protests that he was fine and ready to keep playing.

Peach sighed, "They'll probably play it safe and you'll probably be disqualified for an injured teammate. Aren't you angry about that?"

"Oh I'm livid," Bowser smiled, "Have been since I figured out that moron was going to be my…teammate." He shuddered at the word.

"Then why are you smiling like that?"

Bowser chuckled, and then took a long breath, "I was just deciding how I'll get you back for all this. We'll have a rematch, just you and me…and when the plumber shows up, we'll see if we can't crush him with something a little more substantial then a tennis racket."

"Bowser!"

"I'm just kidding!" he roared in exasperation. "You don't have to be so sensitive. But really, the next time we see those two; you'll be on my side of the net."


	27. Parents

**A/N: This story presents a bit of background on my interpretation of Peach and Junior's family tree. I never could get the Clawdia thing to make sense to me, so this is the made up interpretation I assume in all of my stories. Enjoy =)  
**

* * *

Peach carefully sipped her very hot chocolate in front of the large roaring fireplace in Bowser's parlor. The only other person in the room was Bowser Junior, who wiped the extra chocolate off his lips with his forearm. He had just been telling her about his next great art project he was going to start when he went to school.

He looked up at her suddenly, "Mama Peach…do you have any parents?"

Peach was taken aback by the question. "Of course I have parents," she said with a laugh, "Everybody has parents, Junior."

Junior frowned, "Well then how come I've never seen 'em?"

Peach gently placed the white cup and saucer down on the coffee table and straightened her dress. "Well, my father is often…away on long trips. He has lots of work to do, just like I'm sure your father does lots of work."

Not to be deterred by Peach's reticent demeanor, Junior pressed on. "Yeah, but how about your mama?"

Peach looked down, "My mother passed away when I was very young."

Junior's eyes went wide and he felt a small pang of guilt. Peach looked sad; maybe he shouldn't have asked about that. "Well…uh, what's your dad look like? Is he big and fierce and strong?" He imagined a version of his own father but looking more like Peach somehow. It wasn't a pretty picture.

Peach giggled, "Well, he's tall and relatively slim for his age. His hair used to be brown, but now it's going grey."

Junior nodded in understanding. "Is his grey hair from that Mario? Last week King Dad was really mad because he found a grey hair on his head. He said it was from the Mario Brothers."

Peach couldn't help but laugh. She didn't know that Koopas got grey hair. Thinking on it, she wondered how old Bowser really was and how Koopa aging worked. "You had better not let your father hear you telling people he's getting grey hairs. I don't think he'd be very happy about that."

Junior clamped his claws over his mouth.

"I didn't know Koopas get grey hairs like humans and Mushrooms do. Do they also lose their hair when they get old?" Peach couldn't imagine Bowser without his trademark red mane.

"Oh yeah, but not King Dad; he's _genetically enhanced_, just like me!"

Peach thought about something she had heard a while ago about Junior's genetics and opened her mouth to ask a question but was swiftly interrupted by another question.

"How about those Mushroom people, do the mushroom things fall off when they get old?"

Peach smiled, "No, they get dry, grey, and wrinkly, but they do stay on."

"Mama Peach, are you a Mushroom?"

"Do I look like a Mushroom?" she asked kindly.

Junior looked at her with a thoughtful expression. "Well, no, not really but…why are you the princess of the Mushrooms if you aren't even a Mushroom? Is your dad a Mushroom?"

"My father is a Mushroom, yes."

Junior looked as if he were on the verge of discovering a great secret. "Well then where's your mushroom hat? Did it fall off when you were hatched?"

"Junior…" Where could she begin? "I'll try to explain. First of all, they're not hats and secondly…well, humans and Mushrooms don't hatch like Koopas do."

"Really? Then where do baby humans and Mushrooms come from?"

Peach blushed, wasn't this a conversation Junior should be having with his father? "Well," she replied truthfully, "The stork brought me to my parents."

Junior's eyebrows fell thickly over his eyes in two straight lines. "That's a baby story for babies. King Dad says I'm old enough to know 'the facts of life'."

"Well if you don't believe me, why don't you go ask him instead? I, for one, _did _come from the stork and Kamek snatched me and Mario and Luigi right out of the sky. Now it's my turn to ask you some questions."

"Okay, what?"

"Junior, who is your mama?"

Junior only grinned, thinking it was a trick question, "It's you!"

Peach smiled and rolled her eyes. "No, your _real _mama. The one who…made your egg, you know?"

Junior bit his lip, not fully understanding the question. Peach sighed and sipped her cocoa. Junior did the same. Kamek had always advised him to never tell his Mama Peach that a part of him contained her genetics, put there by magical means. He said it might upset her and that was the last thing Junior wanted to do to his Mama Peach.

"So why are you a human and not a Mushroom?" pressed Junior.

Peach laughed, "You sure are curious about that. How come?"

Junior puffed up his chest in pride. "Kamek told me I should try to learn all I can about the Mushroom Kingdom so that I'll be ready to be its king one day."

Peach rolled her eyes and huffed, "And what makes Kamek so sure you'll be king of _my _kingdom?"

Junior's eyes widened and he backed into a non-threatening pose, "Oh, don't worry Mama Peach…I won't be able to be king until you and King Dad, um, get tired of being king and queen after you get married and get old and stuff."

_After we get married? He just won't give up, will he? _

"Well, I'll tell you, if you want to be King of the Mushroom Kingdom, you'll probably have to find a Mushroom Queen," Peach teased. "Also, it's a pretty big job, and there are lots of rituals and other things you'll have to know."

"Yeah, but King Dad will be proud of me, so it's okay."

It was sweet, the way the Koopalings would take on any task to win their father's pride and affection, even though they must have already known how deeply he cared for them.

"Junior?" Peach yawned. "Why are you going to be the king instead of Ludwig? Isn't he the oldest?"

Junior shrugged, "That's just the way it is. Kammy and Kamek looked into all the different futures and said I would probably be the best future king, so that was that. It's okay though, nobody's sad about it; they'll all get to do whatever other job they want to do, like building machines and helping plan cities and stuff."

"Mm," Peach smiled, her drooping eyelids feeling weighted with quickly onsetting exhaustion. She let out a bit of a sad laugh. "My mother was a human; she looked just like me. I never knew my maternal grandparents, but I heard they came to the Mushroom Kingdom from an island far away, where everyone has shining gold hair and blue eyes. I've never been there but…I think I'd like to go someday."

Junior rubbed his own blue eyes, the ones he gratefully inherited from the only person he would ever call 'Mama', and sighed in satisfaction. _Don't worry Mama Peach. One day, when I'm older, I'll take you there._


	28. Children

**A/N: I've always hated trying to put a numbered age on characters, because I feel like it comes with a lot of meaning or "baggage". At least I sort of figure Bowser is a little older than Peach since in Partners in Time she can only cry while Bowser is able to coherently demand that somebody shut her up. Peach is probably past puberty but young enough to be unmarried, while Bowser is old enough to have eight kids but not that much older than Peach. Oh well, who knows, enjoy the story =P**

* * *

Kamek silently closed the door to his study behind him and turned to face the glowering Koopa King. "Keep it down!" he shout-whispered. _She _must not know about this.

Kamek nodded with understanding eyes and beckoned Bowser over to show him the damage. He tsked in sympathy. _A few grey hairs, the beginnings of crow's feet, gently forming bags under the eyes. _Kamek remembered when he first began to see those first signs of aging in himself; it felt like a hundred years ago.

"Sire, are you sure that you don't require just a bit of rest?" asked Kamek. After all, he was a father of eight, suffering from unrequited love, and a plumber pest control problem…not to mention being the king of the Darklands. Such stress might kill a lesser Koopa!

"Do you think I haven't tried that?" Bowser hissed, annoyance in his voice. "Now hurry up and do this thing…If Peach decides she'll come out for dinner tonight, I can't look like _this_."

"Very well, Sire. Allow yourself to get comfortable; this spell will take some time to prepare. For optimum safety, I must ask that you do your best not to break my concentration."

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the castle, servants did not share Bowser's enthusiasm that Peach would come to dinner. She was furious to be kidnapped again and was seething inside her room. For Granbi's sake, she had already _broken _something; she knocked a vase off a pedestal trying to get out of the grip of several Koopatrols. At first she looked regretful, but then she remembered something and screamed even louder.

Peach huffed and heaved with indignity and anger. How could he? She would miss Daisy's birthday party, which was possibly the most fun she had every year. Daisy always did something different and fun, and she said this year would be something really special.

Daisy was always giving Peach advice about what she would do if _she_ were kidnapped. Peach took a deep breath. It wasn't as simple as the Sarasaland princess made it out to be. She tried to give the Koopatrol guards "what-for", but they overpowered her. She tried screaming at the top of her lungs, but it didn't do any good. How could she destroy the room or otherwise make life hard for the servants? It's not like they'd ever go complain to their King about it. That would just be attacking the wrong target.

Still, Peach had no desire to be a victim and she had rage to spare. Finally, she decided she would go give Bowser himself a piece of her mind. She doubted it would do her any good, and would probably only lead to more trouble, but maybe it would make her feel better, and that had to be good for something.

Bowser's servants were instructed to make whatever Peach desired available for her at all times of the day. This was particularly true if she showed any inclination to see or visit with any members of the Koopa Royal Family. Thus, the servants were overjoyed to direct Peach to Kamek's office.

Peach gathered as much anger and courage as she could, and marched up to the door, bursting it open in what she assumed was a most intimidating way.

"Bowser Koopa, I'd like a word with you!"

Poor Kamek, who was standing in front of the doorway, didn't have a chance. His concentration broke as he was slammed into the opposing wall and the spell flashed out with a blinding light.

Peach was stunned for a second and looked around, but nothing was observably different, so she turned her attention back toward the Koopa King.

"Bowser, enough is enough! You have kidnapped me for the last time!"

Bowser grinned and brushed his hand through his hair, hoping to hide the greys. "So you've finally decided to marry me, then?"

"No!" she shouted, "I demand you take me home this instant, you monster!"

Bowser stood up to his full height and laughed, "Call me all the names you'd like but it's not gonna happen, Princess!"

Peach cowered slightly. Bowser seemed more…muscular, or something. Had he gone on a diet?

Bowser stretched his limbs after all that sitting. He had to admit, he felt great. Maybe Kamek was right and all he needed was a few minutes to rest.

Peach couldn't explain it, but the fact that Bowser seemed so…so comfortable while she was trying to have a serious conversation with him. It was so…_typical. _He never listened to her; he was just so content with being this…tyrannical oppressor! She felt her anger surge; she was determined to break him out of his stupid, simpering contentment. She grabbed the nearest artifact and whirled it across the room, right at his stupid, ugly head.

"You are, like, the worst ever captor. You get beaten over and over again by Mario and you still haven't learned your lesson. I feel sorry for your stupid kingdom for having _you _as a ruler!"

The artifact barely missed Bowser and Kamek managed to slow its flight before it shattered on the wall. He really wished they'd go fight somewhere else.

Now it was Bowser's turn to feel rage. He let out a magnificent roar. "My kingdom is a hundred times the kingdom yours will ever be! Where's your military, Peach? What's that? I had them all for lunch! The Mushroom Kingdom will be mine, if not by your hand, then by lethal force. Then we'll see whose subjects need pity!"

Kamek put his hand over his mouth in horror as he began to see the ends of Peach's curls turning reddish, her body softly losing its feminine curves as she shrunk and became skinner by the second.

Peach's anger left her and was replaced by relatively coolheaded logic. "Mario will stop you, just like in the past. You don't have a chance."

She looked up at Bowser, only to see a strange sight. Was he shrinking?

Bowser opened his mouth to retort, only to have his voice crack almost instantly. He covered his mouth in hot embarrassment, glaring at Peach, who giggled somewhat mean-spiritedly. An awkward silence fell over the both of them.

Peach put her tiny hands to her eyes and rubbed them. "Bowser…I'm tired. Can I please go home now?" she heard her voice squeak out.

Little Bowser came over to her and put his arm around her shoulders. Miraculously, she didn't draw away. "I don't want you to go home. Why don't you want to stay with me? You can have anything you want. I have new candy…want some?"

He grabbed Kamek's candy dish off his desk before shrinking to the point where it wouldn't be feasible.

"Can-dy?" replied Peach, with wonder in her eyes.

"Yeah…"

Unfortunately, Peach was only able to take two steps toward the Koopa King before falling over and beginning to cry. The pitch of her crying awakened a deep memory within Bowser and he put his hands over his ears and curled into a ball.

"No…stop that. Make it stop!"

Bowser tried to crawl over to stop the bawling newborn, but found himself unable to move either. Kamek cast another spell and wiped his brow. At least he was able to stop the anti-aging spell before it went too far. He looked at the two babies crying on the floor in front of him. It really took him back to the early days, back when he was far more spry and suited to...royal daycare. Now, crying babies were just too annoying, so he cast a quick sleeping spell on the children.

Once the babies were tucked away in Larry and Junior's old cots, Kamek smiled and looked fondly at them, allowing his mind to drift. What would happen if he just left them as children? It sure was quiet without the Koopa King bellowing in his ear at all times of the day. By the time they grew up, the Mario Brothers would surely be too old to be a threat to his Majesty anymore. What would become of the Mushroom Kingdom? What would become of the Darklands?

Kamek shuddered. In a few years, he would be back to dealing with His Childishness, with all of his whims, demands, and selfishness, and with no way to say "no". Yes, dealing with Young Bowser had been far worse than ever dealing with the Koopalings, no matter how naughty they were being.

Thus, Kamek dragged himself back into his office with a sigh, ready to research ways to turn the royals back into adults again.


	29. Birth

**Birth. I have never been less excited about a story prompt. Birth is gross and I have no desire to talk about it. Besides, as far as I can tell, things in the Marioverse either hatch from eggs or come from the stork (seriously). I don't think anything GIVES birth, so I decided to come up with something else. Oh well, enjoy the story.**

* * *

It had been a wet spring the year Bowser proclaimed his love for her. Peach sighed and pulled her shawl tightly around her as she sat a comfy chair in the royal records archive. There, she poured over dozens of records of all her kidnappings over the years. The documentation was immaculate; it included time of day, place of abduction, specific perpetrators, method of kidnapping, possible motivations and demands of kidnappers, duration of absence before rescue, damage estimates, photographs, and many other details.

Unsurprisingly, the records were mostly centered on Bowser's frequent abductions. Though the sheer number of incidents was a national disgrace, the records seemed to tell a story.

In the beginning, the records showed Darklandian armies advancing upon the castle and blowing huge holes in the palace walls. Destruction to the kingdom was widespread and rampant, millions of coins worth of damaged infrastructure and hundreds injured in these attacks. Bowser would demand full control of the kingdom and surrounding territories. _That was back when he still locked me in a cell and did his best to frighten me._

Later, the kidnappings became more creative and somewhat less destructive. Once, he lifted her entire castle into the sky on top of his own. The damage was mostly foundational, along with severe damage to the fountain, landscaping, and plumbing (which ironically kept the Mario Brothers employed for several months after the attack). Other times, he would just break a window and take her away. He had stopped making demands, instead making it clear that he had no intention on ever returning the princess to the Mushroom Kingdom, whether it was his or not. It had become clear that he was determined to have her rule by his side.

Peach gently pressed her tired eyes with her fingertips. Glancing out the window, she could see the late afternoon sun struggling to peek out of the grey clouds. She had been researching all day, but nothing she read had brought her any form of relief, any answers. She couldn't even bring herself to feel angry with Bowser for all the wrongs he had committed against her. It all seemed so…

She sighed and gathered the paperwork, returning it to the archivist. She bowed her head in thanks and quickly made her way out the door, into the drizzly afternoon air. She took a brisk walk around the premises, trying to clear her mind. What did it all mean? What should she do? What was _right?_

Rose vines crept up firm lattice in the gardens surrounding the archives, but she was so lost in thought that she could not see them. In fact, she didn't notice a thing until she came across a patch of fluffy, white dandelions. _Oh! _She had wandered so far that she was out of the well-manicured gardens and into a wet, grassy meadow.

She gently plucked one of the dandelions, taking care to ensure it remained intact. She examined it closely and determined it has about as many seeds as times she had been kidnapped. _Uncountable. _Could she ever forgive him? Maybe she already had; kidnapping was as much a part of Bowser as his loud voice and fiery red hair. Still…

Before she passed away, Peach's grandmother once told her that one could put all her worries into the seeds of the dandelions and scatter them to the wind. Where each seed landed, a tiny fairy would be born in a yellow flower and she would take care of the worry. When she was all done, the yellow flower would turn white and fluffy so that the next person could share their troubles.

But, she always said with a laugh, the gardeners pull all of the dandelions out of the royal gardens because royalty has too many worries and the world would become overrun with dandelions if they shared them all.

Peach smiled. _Well…maybe just this once…_

She took a deep breath and scattered her worries to the wind.


	30. Death

White flowers, candlelight, and silence filled the hollow chamber. Bowser sat in the front row, his eyes fixed on the varnished box in front of him. It was the ultimate irony; just as Kamek had declared the completion of his greatest magical achievement to date, his lifeless body was found that evening after he missed dinner.

Peach stared straight ahead with a stony expression on her face. This was certainly an awkward time to be kidnapped. She had only arrived a few days prior to the incident. Still, Kamek's passing was difficult for Peach as well. Kamek was a near-constant presence during her increasingly frequent Darklands visits. He was wise and understanding and was always willing to lend his ear to her, or help her with a problem, Bowser willing.

Also, Kamek was the first person to ever hold her as an infant. Before she was delivered to her parents in the Mushroom Kingdom, before she looked into her mother's eyes for the first time, Kamek had held and comforted her. Peach dared not think about this; if she did, tears would begin to well in her eyes. It was a delicate situation. Kamek was not a member of the Koopa royal family, yet he was the closest thing Bowser had to a parent. It was unknown how much emotion would be appropriate at the passing of such a high-ranking officer.

The Koopalings all looked uniformly stunned. They knew Kamek was old, but Kamek had been old for as long as they could remember. They got older, and Kamek seemed to stay the same age: ancient. It was just a fact of life. Some of the younger ones weren't even aware that Kamek could die. It just never occurred to them. None of the Koopalings were moved enough to shed tears for the aged Magikoopa, but some swore loudly and unkindly wished it had been Kammy instead, stating that they had already "been waiting for years".

Kammy herself was not present at the memorial. Upon hearing the news, twisted her face in a mix of relief and pain and shut herself in her room, refusing to come out even for the funeral. Inside her room, geometric shaped burns marred the wallpaper and tears stained her violet comforter.

Bowser gritted his teeth, attempting to force down the painful lump in his throat. He finally had to die, didn't he? But why now, when he needed him more than ever? He needed Kamek's magic and his strategy for the upcoming battle against the Mario Brothers. Would Haggy be up to keeping tabs on all eight of his brats while he was off trying to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom? He couldn't even get the old bag to come out of her room to send Kamek off properly. He had no idea she hated Kamek so much.

Peach reached a hand out carefully and placed it around one of Bowser's fingers, and smiled up at him sympathetically. Though he had been a brute again, as usual, she felt this was a time for togetherness. She would feel terrible if she lost her father and she knew this was as if Bowser was losing his father for the second time. Bowser looked down and away and grunted, but was glad for the gesture and did not move his hand away.

At last, the music began; slow, sad music written by Ludwig to honor a life of noble service to the royal family. Bowser stood and walked slowly to the front to give his eulogy. His throat began to seize upon him; he angrily willed his esophagus to swallow. As he passed the open casket, he made the mistake of looking down at the body out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't stand to see Kamek like that. He forced his eyes forward, taking a shaky breath in, and exhaling nervously. What would life be like without Kamek to come to for advice?

Bowser cleared his throat and looked at Peach, who for once looked genuinely concerned for him. Her soft gaze eased his nerves and he drew in another breath. Just as he opened his mouth, a terrified scream broke out through the crowd. Peach's once soft gaze widened in abject horror. Whirling around quickly, Bowser caught sight of a hand slowly rising from the open casket.

Kamek's tired face popped over the edge of the casket and several servants fainted. Kamek groggily looked around at everyone's shocked expressions, clearly confused. "...Good afternoon, Sire. I assure you...I wasn't sleeping on the job; I just might have overdone it on that last breakthrough. There were many sleepless nights, I can tell you."

Bowser stood stunned until realization dawned upon him. "Sleepless—YOU IDIOT! You were sleeping? Everyone thought you were DEAD! Look at where you are right now, Worm Breath."

Kamek looked around himself and noticed that he indeed appeared to be standing in a coffin. "Gracious. I suppose it's a good thing I woke up when I did then. I must say, you didn't make it easy; I think this apparatus might be more comfortable than my own bed." He prodded the padded lining of the coffin for emphasis.

Bowser roared in frustration. "Just keep it then! It's not like you can return a _coffin_ when you're done with it."

"I suppose not," Kamek said cheerily. "Well," he addressed the rest of the congregation, "I thank you all heartily for attending my funeral and I hope nobody is terribly disappointed that I am, unfortunately, not dead yet. Perhaps some of you might be interested in joining me for a bit of breakfast?"

Kamek watched as the disgruntled crowds dispersed, muttering about all the work they'd missed to come to the funeral. Even Peach, Bowser, and the Koopalings had turned their back on the Magikoopa to get on with the rest of their day. Kamek shrugged; back to life as usual. Before he left, however, he scanned the vacating attendees and sighed. No Kammy, of course. Even in death, he meant nothing to her.


	31. Sunrise

He stole her away in the dead of night. "We'll go somewhere where they'll never find us," he said, "past the Mushroom Kingdom, past Sarasaland, and past the Darklands. You might as well forget about those plumbers, you'll never see them again." As always, it sounded better in his head. "Don't cry now, it's useless to cry about something that can't be changed."

Despite his words, Peach sobbed silently in the bottom of the Clown Car and Bowser let his rumbling throat rest in the silence of the night. To busy himself, he checked the dials of the Clown Car: all steady with good fuel and oil levels. He clicked the button to begin auto-pilot. The Koopalings would be on their way to the newly constructed vacation home, as would Kamek and Kammy, being sure to leave no trace of the migration. If Mario and Luigi came to the Darklands looking for Peach, they would find themselves walking right into his trap.

Bowser took a deep breath and closed his eyes. With nothing left to do or say, he looked up to the stars dancing in the sky. _I wish this time it'll be different. I wish she could find happiness…with me. _

He looked behind him and noticed Peach sleeping peacefully, tears still glistening on her eyelashes. Not daring to touch her, he carefully draped a blanket over her, and then sunk into his chair and let his own eyelids droop.

Before long, dazzling rays of light penetrated the Koopa King's slumber. He shook himself awake with a growl and opened his eyes to a gorgeous golden sunrise. He looked back and saw Peach was still sleeping.

"Peach," he hissed, "hey Peach, wake up."

She didn't budge, her body rising and falling to the rhythm of her breath. "Peeeeach," he whined. The sun was rapidly rising in the morning sky and he didn't want her to miss it. He hesitated before gently prodding her with his fingertips. "Peach?"

Peach awoke with a delicate moan and looked up at him with sad eyes. The cute noise caught Bowser off guard and made him strangely nervous. Should he not have awoken her?

"Uh…'morning," he grunted awkwardly. "Look." He gestured to the rising sun and turned his face away, embarrassed he had woken her up just to show her something as stupid as the sun.

Peach sighed as she viewed the sunrise. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

_Not as beautiful as you. _He wanted to say it, but it was so awful and corny…he could only grunt in agreement and pretend to be busy with the controls.

Peach allowed herself a half smile. Bowser could act so strange…sometimes even sweet. "Thank you for showing me," she called softly over her shoulder, without turning around to face Bowser.

Bowser grunted in acceptance and secretly let his heart overflow with warmth.


	32. Sunset

**A/N: Here's a bittersweet little story that'll make you want to hug your (grand)parents.**

**On a side note, if you are reading a story and you don't agree with the pairing, just stop reading. I like my reviewers and reading their reactions, ideas, and suggestions. I don't like (multiple!) e-mails containing long rants from BowserxPeach dissidents. Thank you for understanding!**

* * *

Peach turned the page of the old photo album and laughed until she ran out of breath, sides aching and tears streaming from the crinkled corners of her eyes.

"What is that?" exclaimed Junior, pointing to one of the pictures.

"Oh, on one of our old adventures, long before you hatched, I landed in the court of an odd man named Booster who wanted to have a wedding. Mario and your father had to work together to save me and then…well, everybody wanted a kiss so I just got out of the way."

Junior looked astonished; _his_ father had kissed Mario?

"We wanted a kiss from you!" Bowser snapped from his seat. "I saved your Mama Peach from being married to a freak and all I got in return was a mouthful of moustache." He shuddered, still remembering the oddly soft feel of Mario's lips after all this time. Although, he had been an idiot for mistaking those hairy imposters to the beautiful lips of the woman he loved.

"Ugh, gross, can we turn the page now?" asked Junior.

A servant came in to deliver drinks to the royals; he was well versed in the summer afternoon usuals. Iced sweet tea for Peach, iced black coffee for Bowser the elder, and a diet soda for Bowser Junior when he came to visit. Though Bowser was still technically King of the Darklands and would be until his game was over, it had been years since he moved away to a seaside retreat and began allowing Bowser Junior to rule in his stead. Junior was a firm and fair ruler with a good heart and great advisers in his siblings as well as his mother and father, who he visited as often as he could.

Bowser grasped Peach's wrinkled hand firmly and she smiled at him as they sipped their iced drinks and watched the sunset together as they did every afternoon. Sometimes Junior wished he could just curl up between them like how he used to in the old days and let the burden of kingship slide off his shoulders and radiate in the warm love between them.

It broke his heart to see how quickly time could pass, sapping his mighty father of his strength and his beautiful mother of her energy, but when they held hands in the warm glow of the golden sunlight, it was as if time had never passed at all. Junior would spare no expense to make sure they were well attended to and would want for nothing in their golden years.

Looking around, one could notice the accouterments of a beautiful life, from the half-finished crossword puzzle they worked on together that morning, to the fragrant hand lotion Bowser dutifully applied to his wife's hands each night.

As the sunset turned to dusk, Junior kissed each parent on the forehead and slowly backed out of the room, leaving them curled up in one another's embrace.


End file.
